The realities of a working mamma

The realities of being a working mamma are really striking home to me right now. Although I’m having a good time being back at work part time and even having a little break each day from the baby, shit really got real this week when I found out I have to go on a business trip abroad.

This means I have to leave baby N.

Leave him for the first time.

This is not good.

It all came about because my company has been invited to pitch for a gigantic and hugely valuable project with one of our existing clients. This is the kind of pitch that only comes along every few years, and one where our company throws everything at it, whatever the cost, personal cost included.

I initially didn’t expect to go as it’s not my client and not my industry, but then it became apparent that I had some skills that others on the team did not.  I begged not to go.  Said, do everything to find someone else to go. And while it is a compliment because they told me that there was no one else that can do what I do in the presentation, I was so disappointed and sad to leave baby N. Old, pre-baby me would have been beyond pumped for this, but mamma-me was like nooooooooooooo!

I leave tomorrow (Sunday) afternoon, the presentation is Monday afternoon and we’re back on a flight Monday night, arriving 4am Tuesday morning.  This means that baby N will spend Sunday afternoon with daddy, who will bathe him and put him to bed like normal.  Then Monday he will go to his nanny at the grandparents’ house as usual, but he will just stay a full day instead.  He absolutely LOVES this lady (and she in return) so this is not a bad thing at all.  I’m sure he will be delighted.  Daddy will then collect him after work and will bathe him and put him to bed again so the baby will probably be FINE.

By Tuesday morning I’ll be back and normal service will resume.  So it’s just me who is freaking out. Someone who has done this before please tell me the case that I’m not a terrible mother? Tell me that I’m not traumatising my kid by abandoning him?

Most of his day will be the same as usual so really it’s just that he won’t see me for 1.5 days.  That’s NOTHING right?

In other news, I GET TO STAY IN A HOTEL ROOM AND NOT HAVE TO WAKE UP TO A BABY!!  How much do you want to bet I still wake up 500 times and miss him?  Even though I’m only packing hand luggage for this trip I have still packed a face mask and a bath bomb so I can have some me time.  If my hotel room does not have a bath in it (this happens in Europe occasionally) I think I will go into full diva bitch mode and request an upgrade just so I can use my bath bomb.  Hahahahaha! We are staying at a (crap looking) Hilton hotel so you’d think they’d have a bath, right?

Once I compartmentalised the idea of leaving the baby for a couple of days, I started to get really hyped up about the pitch though.  My blood started pumping and I felt some of the old, energetic me come back.  I won’t lie, I liked it.  I don’t know if we will win this – we are the underdog company at this pitch – but I am going ALL IN.  If I have to leave baby N behind for a couple of days I want it to not have been in vain.

In other news, baby N is adorable at the moment.  I love this age!  This week he has really started babbling and it’s adorable.  He does say a bit of dada-dadda but it’s not in context.    I think words are just around the corner, even if crawling seems not to be. I”m going to miss him so much.


Unexpected advantages of parenthood

Baby N is now 7.5 months old and I didn’t really do a 7 month update for no particular reason except perhaps laziness.  However, I’ve got to say that 7 months old seems to be a pretty magical age.  N is now able to sit up happily by himself, which makes for much more exciting playtime, and he finds all sorts of things hilarious these days, especially the cats.  It’s like his whole personality has really blossomed this past month and now I regularly describe him as Mr Sunshine or Mr Happy.

I’d like to note a direct correlation for my love for this age group with the fact that N is sleeping much better these days.  Usually when I say such things about him sleeping nicely then he decides to not sleep that night so I am reluctant to go into too much detail for fear of jinxing myself.  However, on a good night he will go to sleep at around 7.30pm and wake up around 6.30-7.00am.  I try very hard not to get out of bed for him until 7.00am but it depends how loud his chattering is. Of course if he cries I get up straight away.

We have had a few instances recently when a full to overflowing wet nappy has woken him in the middle of the night – many a late night curse for the inaccurately named Pampers Baby Dry brand (Pampers, I am done with you) – and this has meant sometimes a night feed or just a cuddle in bed with mum.  You gotta do what you gotta do! But actually because I see less of him during the day now I almost miss him and look forward to those moments where we get to hang out at night. I’m sure if I was full time at home with him I would not be so excited by nighttime waking.

Anyway, I was thinking to myself earlier how many unexpected advantages there are of parenthood, so I thought I’d compile a little list of them for a giggle.  Perhaps I’ve missed a few or I’m unaware of them yet, so feel free to add your own.

  1. You never have sticky/dirty hands anymore because you always have wet wipes available!  This is a revelation especially when eating on the go.  Why did I never just walk around with baby wipes in my handbag before having a baby?
  2. Ditto snacks. Baby snacks are very delicious you know and they come in handy sized packs.
  3. Sleep aids are no longer needed. I no longer need any of my relaxing pillow sprays or other tools to help me go to sleep.  I’m always so grateful to get in bed that going to sleep is no longer an issue for me.  For someone who has been a difficult sleeper since birth this is an amazing development.  Of course I also never get a lie-in anymore so this one is not all good.
  4. Efficiency is beyond belief. I’m so fast at getting ready to go somewhere.  I remember the days where on the weekend we would plan to get up “early” to go do something and we’d struggle to leave the house before midday.  Midday is practically three quarters of my day done these days! Also, I used to get up one hour before I needed to leave home for work in the old days.  WHAT DID I DO WITH ALL THAT TIME? I now get a grand total of 10 minutes to get myself ready in the morning.  During that time I need to eat breakfast, clean my teeth, wash my face, apply face moisturiser and style my hair (I put my make-up on in the car).  I work in PR and I can’t look like I’ve walked off the streets so every day I marvel at this achievement.  I also think of all that wasted time in years previous.
  5. An ability to go with the flow develops even for type A folks. Babies are a great leveller.  You think before you have one that you won’t do what those other people are doing because you will be the Super-parent.  And then you find out that being a parent is H.A.R.D. and you come to the realisation that it’s good to start out with a plan, but be ready for when it all goes to shit and you have to turn to Plan B, C or D… or just give up entirely and try again tomorrow.
  6. You can get out of stuff really easily.  Have a party that you don’t want to go to?  Tell them you can’t leave the baby. Realistically in the first three months it is hard to go anywhere without the baby or even with it, but at a certain point the baby gets old enough that daddy or a close family member or friend can look after it for a while when you do something.  However, you can ALWAYS call in the big cards that the baby needs you when you want to get out of doing something.  It’s so brilliant that even my husband uses it sometimes.
  7. Daytime drinking.  When you can’t go out in the evening, you start drinking at lunch.  Obviously not enough that you can’t be a responsible parent, but just enough to take the edge off things.  Trust me, it’s brilliant.  I found a new BFF who has a baby the same age as N so we go to each other’s houses in our comfortable clothes and drink prosecco.  I’m not even joking about this. Everyone needs a friend who you can drink prosecco in your pjs with and cry.  Also someone who has a baby the same age as yours so if you need to use their change table/crib/baby toys/high chair they are all set up for it, not to mention that they are cool with whatever drama your baby decides to bring.
  8. You become a better driver.  At least when the baby is in the car – strangely the second the baby is not in the car you revert back to your old ways.  Is someone a psychologist out there who can explain this? Because when N is in the car I am particularly cautious and drive nicely, even cursing those folks doing dangerous things.  Don’t they know I have precious cargo on board?! (Also, please note that you should not drive after alcohol so make sure you stay a long time at your friend’s house and drink a lot of water and have some lunch, ok?)

The beginning of a never-ending love story

The inevitable has happened.

Baby N has discovered his willy.


I knew it would happen one day because he is a boy after all, but I didn’t expect it to come so soon.  It is kind of funny though.  It was Sunday I noticed it for the first time, that when I took his nappy off his hand went straight for the willy.  And once he’d found it the first time… well… you know his hand is going to live down there semi-permanently for the rest of his life.

Of course his dad is DELIGHTED!  He didn’t believe me at first so I got him to come and watch as I changed his nappy.  Sure enough as I was undressing him he was already trying to get to it, even with the nappy on. Now it’s hand down there all the time during nappy changes and in the bath and any other free willy moment. He used to play with his ears a lot, flicking them, but now he does that less now that he’s found The Willy.

It is funny and natural and all of that, but it’s also a sharp reminder that I have produced a future man who is going to do all the gross things that men do.  It is also yet another reminder that my baby is not quite as babyish as he once was.  Time moves fast!

Other than willy discovery this week has been pretty uneventful.  Baby N has been a little better at sleeping, giving me three consecutive really great nights and then deciding to have a party last night from 1.30am until almost 3am just so I don’t get too relaxed and confident.  At least he is very happy and cheerful during our early morning parties.  I think they’d be a whole lot worse if he was crying.

Work has continued to be overall okay.  I can so far manage the part time work with the motherhood demands but let’s see how that continues.  I might have a two-night European business trip coming up in March or April which will be awesome but I’m also sure that by two days before I’ll be hysterical with panic about leaving the baby.

I did have a fight with the head of IT who decided in my absence on maternity leave to change all of my phone numbers – direct line, mobile etc. I’d had the old numbers for more than five years so that has been a bit of an issue for me, albeit the IT guy thought it wouldn’t be.  He was SUPER rude to me over email (haha, evidence!) so I raised it with the CEO and the IT guy got a severe telling off.  My husband joked to me not to burn ALL my bridges in my first week and to save some for next week.

Baby N has been totally fine with his new daily visits to the grandparents’ house and hanging with his new buddy there.  I think he actually has a wonderful time as he is doted on there then I pick him up feeling all guilty for going to work so I lavish attention on him until daddy comes home and does the same thing.  This kid is DEFINITELY winning at life.

Daddy even took him for a vaccination today as mummy was at work.  This was the first time daddy has stepped up to the plate for this so I was a bit on edge but they all did great.  Baby N now comes in at a whopping 73.5cm tall and 9.98kg weight.  This puts him at the very top of the chart for both height and weight.  I asked my paediatrician if he’s overweight but she says he is “Just a lovely big boy”.  I guess because he’s so tall the weight is not an issue.  If he was shorter in stature and the same weight it might be more of a problem.

Likewise, my fitness regime has taken a huge dive this week but I’ve had a chat to myself about just focusing on getting in the new flow of things before I get too caught up in this aspect of life.  Slowly, slowly I will find a rhythm I’m sure. And I’ve found colleagues have very kindly made various comments to the affect of me having lost my baby weight which is nice.  I mean I still have 3kg to go but at least it looks like I’ve slimmed down.  I’m all for smoke and mirrors and carefully chosen fashion! This is definitely not going to be my fittest period of my life but I remain keen to keep some modicum of fitness alive so that when I do have more space in my world to once again exercise frequently that I will have maintained a good basis for this.

In the meantime, we are doing great at Aqua Babies and I’m so delighted I started baby N with this early.  Last week he even did a free swim with his head under the water and he was totally fine with it.  It’s amazing how natural babies are in water!


And just like that it was over

Maternity leave is officially over for me as I had my first day back at work today.  Well I say day, but I’m now working part-time so it was a little more than half a day actually. I have had so many mixed feelings about my return to work and the worst day was actually yesterday as I realised it was the last day I would have my little boy all to myself. I started getting the dread in my stomach and wondering if going back to work – even part-time – was somehow bad for the baby. I started wondering if I would make it to work on time after dropping the baby off and would I turn up at work looking like a mess?  Well none of that bad stuff happened, at least today.  I’m sure it will on many times in the future, but today I got myself together and got baby N dropped off on time so that’s a good start.

The nights are long, but the years are short. This is a popular saying that a friend told me earlier on when the nights felt ENDLESS.  I now know what she means. I feel fortunate to have had these 6+ months with my small guy, but I also know that in plenty of other countries maternity leave is much longer and I will confess I feel very envious of this.

Where I live the maternity leave is four months and so I took a combination of annual leave and unpaid leave to top me up to a total of seven months off work.  And you know what, it was the best decision I’ve made.  Obviously I would be happy to have had 12 months or more with him, but given my situation it was a treat to have that extra time with him.  At four months I was definitely NOT ready to go back to work and neither was he ready to be apart from me.

I’ve been working on getting him ready for the change for the past two months by taking him to his grandparents place where he is looked after by someone who is kind of his nanny.  Apart from this giving me some much appreciated time to myself to go to the gym, have my hair done or do the grocery shopping child-free, it actually made today a whole lot easier.  Rather than it being A Thing to drop the baby off, it was totally normal for him which meant I felt more relaxed too.  I know when I leave him that he’s happy and being well cared for and that is very, very important!!

So off I went to work today and not knowing if I was going to have a good time or not.  But I DID have a good time and it WAS good to be back with my colleagues.  It certainly helps that I work with really nice people who value my contribution at work, but also I like my job.  I think if I was missing any of those elements then today would have been so depressing and awful! My colleagues also gave me a little gift of some beautiful teas, some biscuits and a calendar with cats.  I felt really special.

I was somewhat irritated that my colleague stole my desk chair (it was new) and thought I wouldn’t notice.  OF COURSE I NOTICED!  Let’s just say that it is now back in my possession…

At the end of my (short) working day it was such a thrill to leave the office and go and collect baby N.  When I saw him he had just woken up from a nice long nap and he had the biggest smile ever for me which was beautiful.

If I could have more time at home with him would I?  Yes, absolutely.  But given my options I think today, my first day back at work was about as perfect as you could hope for.

Now to just get baby N to sleep a bit better tonight so I can catch up on some well needed beauty sleep!!




The small guy is six months old

It’s hard to believe but six months and a day have passed since baby N entered this world.  Six. Whole.  Months.  It’s been a ride, that’s for sure! From those heady newborn days where I literally didn’t think I could make it through another day, to the heartbreaking inability to breastfeed, but then to all the fun times, the smiles, the laughs, his two new teeth, the Aqua Babies classes, all of the firsts, to his little face when he wakes up in the morning so happy to see me and the fits of laughter he has when Lucy cat does something stupid.

I’ve never felt so many emotions.

I’ve never been so tired. Constantly.

I’ve never felt so useless and incompetent, but then the next day I may feel like a super mamma.

I still cannot believe we flew to Australia and back.  Holy shit! (I wouldn’t do it again)

But he’s beautiful and ever-changing and he’s the product of my husband and I.  Perhaps he wasn’t created in a moment of passion (and I do try not to think about what my husband was thinking of when he made his “contribution”) but he was created with so much hope and persistence and determination.  Perhaps that counts equally or even more so.

Now baby N has a little personality, a sunny disposition, a preference for some toys over others.  He’s not keen on avocado but seems to like everything else I feed him and makes “Mmmmm” noises of gratitude and satisfaction when I feed him. He has had his first time on a swing (loved it).

Most recently I’ve been worried that he’s not rolling over, especially with all the dramas of his wonky neck and flat head, but the baby physio has said that his delay in this stage is most likely down to his large size.  He’s now the height and weight of perhaps an average 8 month old baby and it’s hard to shift that much body when you’re only 6 months old.  Despite this, he is strong and loves to sit upright, albeit supported as he cannot yet sit up unaided.

I’ve also been suffering majorly with his inability to self-soothe at night.  This means that every time he comes out of a sleep cycle – roughly 8-10 times a night – he wakes up and needs comforting in the form of his dummy/pacifier replaced and sometimes some reassurance from me.  This means that I wake up roughly every hour.  Every night.  To say it is killing me is an understatement.  It’s like the newborn days all over.  One of my baby apps helpfully said not to worry as babies usually start sleeping better at one year old.  THAT IS SIX MONTHS AWAY, PEOPLE!!  I did not think kind thoughts towards the person that wrote that for the app!

The advice from the experts is that the baby needs to be put down to bed awake so that he puts himself to sleep and when he wakes up again he will know how to put himself back to sleep.  So I’ve got half of that right as baby N can now go to sleep by himself, but ONLY with a dummy in his mouth.  Of course he spits that out while he’s sleeping so when he wakes up he freaks out about it and I have to put it back in.  So the next thing to teach him is how to sleep without a dummy.

I am now cursing myself for giving him a dummy in the first place. Mummies with new babies take note!!

It looks like I will be heading back to work on 1 February, although I’ve managed to agree part time work with my employer which is nice. I have mixed feelings about this.  I would prefer to be in a country with longer maternity leave, here it is only 4 months long but I took some unpaid leave to extend my time.  I know that it’s even worse in the US so I have full respect to the mammas there that have to go back to work when baby is 6 weeks old or younger (I don’t know how you do it).

The good part about going back to work is that I know that my baby will be staying with someone who loves him.  He will be looked after by my husband’s parents’ maid in a kind of nanny situation (maids are very common here and she is very well looked after and doesn’t want to leave), who absolutely adores him like he’s her own and his little face lights up whenever he sees her.  He will be thoroughly spoiled when he is with her. As he will be at his grandparents’ house he will be comfortable and not in a group situation which often leads to more frequent illnesses.  Not that this is a bad option either, but I am fortunate enough to have an alternative.

Already I’ve been taking him to her three days a week for a few hours at a time. I have loved my baby-free time as it has allowed me to go to the gym and yoga and do odd jobs like visit the grocery store without a baby in tow (a real treat). That will soon be replaced by work and so bye bye mummy’s personal time I guess, but hello using my brain again.  I hope that the balance of work and baby will work out although I’m sure it will take some getting used to as well. Expect some kind of post mid-February where I’m freaking out.

Until then, here’s the small guy enjoying all the pleasures life has to offer.




Long overdue… The Liebster Award

Around 7 million years ago, aka November 5th LAST YEAR, the lovely Kate over at the What Is Normal For blog was kind enough to nominate me for The Liebster Award. This award is such a brilliant way to learn about other bloggers who you might find interesting to follow, but also to learn more about those that you already do, such as me!



  • Thank the blogger who nominated you and link to their post.
  • Answer the 11 questions they asked you.
  • Nominate 11 other bloggers, with your own set of questions.
  • Tag your chosen 11 bloggers, and don’t forget to tell them as well!


These are the 11 questions Kate asked me and my answers:


1. When did you start blogging?
I started my blog back in February 2016 so it’s coming up to its 2 year anniversary soon.

2. Why did you start your blog?
I’ve always enjoyed writing and used to even write a different blog back when I was a long-distance runner. The origin of this blog was because I was going through a tough time having just lost our first baby.  I thought blogging might help to get some of my thoughts and feelings out as I was having trouble working through all the emotions.  I never expected to connect with so many people and to make new and real friends.  It’s been such a positive experience!

3. What do you do for your day job?
I work in financial public relations.  Essentially I take complex financial and economic information and make it sexy for ordinary folk to read, all the while making my clients’ companies look good in the hope that you will choose them over their competitors.  It is a whole lot more fun that it sounds, I promise. Writing is a big part of what I do, but actually its the human connections that I make as part of my work that excites me the most.  And also it’s been pretty great that my job has been in an area that is internationally relevant as it’s meant I’ve managed to keep a good career as I’ve moved countries.

4.  What would your dream job be?
Something in the sports and fitness industry. I think I harbour a secret dream to open my own health and fitness resort where people can come on holiday, eat well, exercise in the outdoors and unwind.  As I have zero skills or experience in this area it is somewhat of a pipe dream.  I think if the whole kids thing had not worked out I might have taken the plunge, but right now I don’t think it’s a good moment to make such a big challenge for myself.

5. Who is your favorite author? and why?
That is practically impossible for me to narrow down as how do you get past some of the great children’s writers who shaped so much of my childhood (hello Enid Blyton) and then try and compare them to modern greats.  It’s impossible.  But I do find Jojo Moyes a nice read and she’s really funny on Twitter and Instagram.  Her huge dog is particularly adorable.

6. Where do you see you and your blog in the future?
I’ll keep writing the blog for as long as I can find some time and as long as I have something (that I think) is interesting to say.  As for me in the future… well my husband wants to have another baby but I am really not at all keen right now.  However, we do have 15 embryos sitting in the freezer so there is a good chance I will be back trying for a future embryo transfer eventually. Probably once/if I’ve forgotten the horrors of the first six weeks of newborn life.

7. What is your favorite Horror film?
I despise horror films so I do not have a favourite. They are all equally awful.

8. Who is your favorite Blogger?
I like different bloggers for different reasons so I think it wouldn’t be fair to identify just one.  However, on a totally non-fertility related note, I really love the Go Fug Yourself blog/website.  It’s a good stress-buster.

9. Where is your favorite city to visit?
This is the hardest question BY FAR as there are many cities I love and would be happy to return to but for all sorts of different reasons.  Plus, there are a bunch I haven’t visited but would be sure to fall in love with if I had half the chance.  I’ll say Melbourne is my favourite city to visit these days because it’s my home town and living away from “home” means that it feels particularly magic to come back for a visit.  Melbourne does really have everything though.  It is a beautiful city, with lush gardens, gorgeous restaurants, lots of entertainment and good shopping. What more do you want?
Second place: London.

10. How do you motivate yourself?
I think motivation comes down to what sort of person you are.  I am generally self-motivated in most things just by my nature.  However, I’ve had a few of those days recently where everything feels overwhelming and my yoga teacher very helpfully suggested that I should just set out to achieve one thing each day.  It was excellent advice actually because once I’ve done that one thing – big or small – I feel a weight has lifted.  Often that clear air I get then motivates me to do another thing on my list, and so it goes on.  I also think that motivation when it comes to diet or exercise is about developing momentum.  So you kind of need to force yourself to do it for a week or so and then once you’ve established the habit it’s easier to keep going in the same way.

11. What will your new year resolution be if any?
I’m clearly quite late to this, but my new year’s resolution this year is to use less plastic, starting with one-use plastic water bottles.  I like to drink a lot of water so I’m guilty of using many bottles of water each day.  So I’ve switched to having a Camelbak water bottle that I take everywhere with me and so far so good.  I’m yet to buy a bottle of water in 2018.  Yay me!

My nominated 11 bloggers are:

The Endo Zone – Marixa has been on one of the toughest and most unrewarding infertility journeys of anyone I’ve been following and she is the one I wish the most for a happy ending.  Go send her some love.

Trying 4 baby k – This is a great blog to follow as the author and her husband are having a baby (very, very soon) with a donor egg. She is quite young so it just goes to show that infertility can hit regardless of age.

IVF a journey – This brave IVF warrior ended up with twins and I bow down to all folks with twins.  One has been more than enough for me.  Oh yeah, and she went and broke her elbow at Christmas time so she has had to deal with twins while only having the use of one arm!!

You Would Be Pretty If – This mamma from Melbourne makes me feel homesick with practically every post she puts, but it’s also nice to learn of the experiences of another mamma whose baby is close in age to baby N (they’re a couple of weeks apart).  Also, she IS pretty and I think she should change the name of her blog!!

Tales of a 30 Year Old Nothing – This blogging sister just had a new baby so go check out all her lovely posts about that.  The birth was a bit harrowing but baby is doing great!

Our Friggin’ IVF Journey – Another IVF mamma who I think might have had her baby already but she’s not posted anything so I’m sending many, many good vibes her way.

Two Dykes and a Tyke – This blog may need a new name soon because these two beautiful ladies have decided to expand their family and may well be Two Dykes and Two Tykes soon! I’d never thought about lesbian relationships and parenthood much until I started following this blog and it has been an interesting insight.

Triple B – This lovely lady has a babe a month older than my guy but she has had the complete opposite experience of breast feeding to me.  If you want a more positive spin on boob feeding then check her out.

Aliased – This blogger somehow managed to survive hyperemesis gravidarum, that condition where you are very sick for the whole pregnancy, to have a wonderful son and now she’s doing it all over again!! We are due an update but I hope she’s doing great.

The Hejhej blog – This blogger is prolific!!  But if you can survive the envy of her ability to post so often, she is pretty funny about life in general but also motherhood.

Infertility Nonsense – this mamma struggling with secondary infertility has had an horrendous time of late with a cheating husband really rocking her world.  She seems like she could all do with us giving her a big group hug (and maybe kicking her husband up the ass at the same time!)

My 11 questions to the above bloggers:

1. When did you start blogging?

2. Why did you start your blog?

3. What do you do for your day job?

4. Where are you located (city, country)?

5. What has been your biggest regret in your life? 

6. What has been your greatest achievement? 

7. What advice would you give to your 18 year old self? 

8. Do you have a special or unusual skill that perhaps people don’t know about ? (I can sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star in Japanese)



9. Where is your favorite city to visit?

10. How do you motivate yourself?

11. What do you hope for most in 2018? 






It’s New Year’s Eve and I’ve had a couple of glasses of champagne so I’m feeling a bit nostalgic.  Here are some thoughts according to some key stats for me in 2017:

That’s how much free time I’ve had since getting back from Australia and that’s why I’ve been so woefully poor at updating my blog.  I remember reading ridiculous interviews with celebrities where they would say annoying things like there wasn’t enough time to eat, but now I understand it.  Some days it is really hard to find time to eat and when I do I find I’m stuffing something in a huge hurry.  Long gone are the days of a relaxing lunch or dinner! After surviving the return journey’s jet lag, we then had baby N’s christening the very next weekend.

Over here the christening is a VERY BIG DEAL and the babies don’t just get a little drop of water on the forehead, they get completely dunked in the water which can be somewhat traumatic for some babies.  With this in mind I was completely stressed by the whole thing, but you know what, baby N was a star!  He slept through the first half an hour of the ceremony in his godmother’s arms (parents are not allowed to touch the baby throughout the ceremony) and then when he was dunked in the water he did a bit of a complain but what more or less fine with it and was totally happy once he was bundled up in a bunch of towels.  I loved him so much on this day! Then there was Christmas and then he got sick and then I got sick, so yeah sorry for not writing more.  But onto the actual post…

17 July 2017 was the day baby N was born.  One of the few advantages of an elective c-section with a cool doctor was that I was able to choose his birthday. I love the balance of his birthday being 17-07-17 (American friends it is 07-17-17 where you come from which is not quite as cool).  It’s also David Hasselhoff’s birthday which did put me off somewhat but not enough to change it.  We also got married on 23-03-13 so I have a thing for balanced numbers.

I finally did a count of all the injections I took in the making of baby N and 338 was the final total.  This included the down-reg meds, the stims meds and the Clexane that I took throughout the entire pregnancy and for six weeks after his birth.  Even this number is probably lower than the final total as it doesn’t include the full round of IVF I did previously or the meds I was given in hospital.  I self-administered the injections myself and I swear if I’d not been so exhausted I would have thrown a party on the last day of the Clexane injections!

Baby N is now 5.5 months old and becoming even more lovely every day.  He has a cheeky smile that he willingly gives out to loved ones and strangers alike (I think he’s a natural flirt) and I am regularly told by people that he is a calm and friendly baby.  He is very communicative, only crying or complaining when he is hungry, tired or in pain. As someone who is highly strung I simply cannot believe I have managed to produce such a chilled out baby.

Baby N weighed 3.4kg at birth and now he is a huge 8.8kg!  Not only that he has been above height since his birth (53cm) and now stands at around 70cm which is the height of an average 7 month old, but he’s only just turned 5 months.  I have learned the hard way to buy clothes two sizes up as there have been way too many cute things he’s simply not been able to wear because he is extra tall for his age.  I find that people ask to hold him and then give him back to me after 3 minutes because they’re tired from holding him.  At least my arm muscles are pretty epically strong these days! But now it makes sense why people say babies grow so fast, because they really do.  These past five months have been both epically long and incredibly short.  I don’t know how to explain that better but it’s the truth. And I’ve got to say the last 6 weeks has been insane in the level of development that has happened.  I can now see my baby turning into a little boy and even a little bit of personality appearing. It blows my mind!

The number of teeth baby N has.  While it’s not freakishly uncommon for babies to get their first teeth at 5 months, they usually get them around 6-7 months old.  When the tooth surprised me by poking its way through I was also delighted as it explained why my previously excellent sleeper had been so cranky and awful for the past few nights.  I guess I had hoped everyone was exaggerating about how awful teething is, but now it seems they weren’t. The fun of parenthood is never-ending it seems.

That’s how many kilograms I gained when pregnant.

That’s how many kilograms I’ve lost since giving birth.  The first 9 were not so hard to lose, the next 4 have been beastly and required heavy dieting (food is the key to weightless, folks).  I still have 3kg to go but I’ve been too bothered with surviving life to try recently.  They need to be gone quickly in the new year though.  Even so, I can now fit into most of my pre-pregnancy clothes apart from my super skinny jeans and that is quite a good thing for my psychology.

The number of times I have questioned my ability to be a mother. Maybe it’s just me, but the level of self-doubt in this is huge. I constantly wonder if I’m doing things right or could be doing things better.  Mothering is REALLY HARD!

Boxes of tissues (Kleenex for American friends) we have been through since July.  Most of this can be attributed to crying (mainly me, again), but also baby reflux/vomit, baby drool, and then all the runny noses (baby + parents) caused by the various illnesses suffered. I know a few of you are expecting babies very soon – go buy lots of packs of tissues as I promise you that you’ll need them.

The number of foods baby N has rejected since starting solids two weeks ago. I have absolutely adored introducing “solid” food to baby N (puree barely counts as solids) as he seems to be super-keen to eat whatever I give him.  While we have had success with pumpkin, sweet potato, carrot and pears, the real winners so far have been banana and apples. Two days ago he even ate a whole (albeit small sized) banana!  I could not believe he managed to find a space for all of that, but he did! But oh my goodness the poo is something else!!

But in all of this what I cannot quantify is my gratitude that this New Year I am a mother.  My journey was bumpy and difficult and I know how lucky I am to have my rainbow baby.  So this New Year’s Eve I am home with my husband and my cats and my baby.  This is by far the least glamorous NYE I have had in a very long time, but also the most peaceful and satisfying (also comfortable… hellooo tracksuit!). This time last year I was still in a world of anxiety about whether my embryo would continue to grow inside of me to be a healthy baby. The year before I had just lost our first baby.  This year we are a family. Mummy, daddy, baby and 3 lovely cats.  3+3 and perfect.