The realities of being a working mamma are really striking home to me right now. Although I’m having a good time being back at work part time and even having a little break each day from the baby, shit really got real this week when I found out I have to go on a business trip abroad.
This means I have to leave baby N.
Leave him for the first time.
This is not good.
It all came about because my company has been invited to pitch for a gigantic and hugely valuable project with one of our existing clients. This is the kind of pitch that only comes along every few years, and one where our company throws everything at it, whatever the cost, personal cost included.
I initially didn’t expect to go as it’s not my client and not my industry, but then it became apparent that I had some skills that others on the team did not. I begged not to go. Said, do everything to find someone else to go. And while it is a compliment because they told me that there was no one else that can do what I do in the presentation, I was so disappointed and sad to leave baby N. Old, pre-baby me would have been beyond pumped for this, but mamma-me was like nooooooooooooo!
I leave tomorrow (Sunday) afternoon, the presentation is Monday afternoon and we’re back on a flight Monday night, arriving 4am Tuesday morning. This means that baby N will spend Sunday afternoon with daddy, who will bathe him and put him to bed like normal. Then Monday he will go to his nanny at the grandparents’ house as usual, but he will just stay a full day instead. He absolutely LOVES this lady (and she in return) so this is not a bad thing at all. I’m sure he will be delighted. Daddy will then collect him after work and will bathe him and put him to bed again so the baby will probably be FINE.
By Tuesday morning I’ll be back and normal service will resume. So it’s just me who is freaking out. Someone who has done this before please tell me the case that I’m not a terrible mother? Tell me that I’m not traumatising my kid by abandoning him?
Most of his day will be the same as usual so really it’s just that he won’t see me for 1.5 days. That’s NOTHING right?
In other news, I GET TO STAY IN A HOTEL ROOM AND NOT HAVE TO WAKE UP TO A BABY!! How much do you want to bet I still wake up 500 times and miss him? Even though I’m only packing hand luggage for this trip I have still packed a face mask and a bath bomb so I can have some me time. If my hotel room does not have a bath in it (this happens in Europe occasionally) I think I will go into full diva bitch mode and request an upgrade just so I can use my bath bomb. Hahahahaha! We are staying at a (crap looking) Hilton hotel so you’d think they’d have a bath, right?
Once I compartmentalised the idea of leaving the baby for a couple of days, I started to get really hyped up about the pitch though. My blood started pumping and I felt some of the old, energetic me come back. I won’t lie, I liked it. I don’t know if we will win this – we are the underdog company at this pitch – but I am going ALL IN. If I have to leave baby N behind for a couple of days I want it to not have been in vain.
In other news, baby N is adorable at the moment. I love this age! This week he has really started babbling and it’s adorable. He does say a bit of dada-dadda but it’s not in context. I think words are just around the corner, even if crawling seems not to be. I”m going to miss him so much.