The small guy is six months old

It’s hard to believe but six months and a day have passed since baby N entered this world.  Six. Whole.  Months.  It’s been a ride, that’s for sure! From those heady newborn days where I literally didn’t think I could make it through another day, to the heartbreaking inability to breastfeed, but then to all the fun times, the smiles, the laughs, his two new teeth, the Aqua Babies classes, all of the firsts, to his little face when he wakes up in the morning so happy to see me and the fits of laughter he has when Lucy cat does something stupid.

I’ve never felt so many emotions.

I’ve never been so tired. Constantly.

I’ve never felt so useless and incompetent, but then the next day I may feel like a super mamma.

I still cannot believe we flew to Australia and back.  Holy shit! (I wouldn’t do it again)

But he’s beautiful and ever-changing and he’s the product of my husband and I.  Perhaps he wasn’t created in a moment of passion (and I do try not to think about what my husband was thinking of when he made his “contribution”) but he was created with so much hope and persistence and determination.  Perhaps that counts equally or even more so.

Now baby N has a little personality, a sunny disposition, a preference for some toys over others.  He’s not keen on avocado but seems to like everything else I feed him and makes “Mmmmm” noises of gratitude and satisfaction when I feed him. He has had his first time on a swing (loved it).

Most recently I’ve been worried that he’s not rolling over, especially with all the dramas of his wonky neck and flat head, but the baby physio has said that his delay in this stage is most likely down to his large size.  He’s now the height and weight of perhaps an average 8 month old baby and it’s hard to shift that much body when you’re only 6 months old.  Despite this, he is strong and loves to sit upright, albeit supported as he cannot yet sit up unaided.

I’ve also been suffering majorly with his inability to self-soothe at night.  This means that every time he comes out of a sleep cycle – roughly 8-10 times a night – he wakes up and needs comforting in the form of his dummy/pacifier replaced and sometimes some reassurance from me.  This means that I wake up roughly every hour.  Every night.  To say it is killing me is an understatement.  It’s like the newborn days all over.  One of my baby apps helpfully said not to worry as babies usually start sleeping better at one year old.  THAT IS SIX MONTHS AWAY, PEOPLE!!  I did not think kind thoughts towards the person that wrote that for the app!

The advice from the experts is that the baby needs to be put down to bed awake so that he puts himself to sleep and when he wakes up again he will know how to put himself back to sleep.  So I’ve got half of that right as baby N can now go to sleep by himself, but ONLY with a dummy in his mouth.  Of course he spits that out while he’s sleeping so when he wakes up he freaks out about it and I have to put it back in.  So the next thing to teach him is how to sleep without a dummy.

I am now cursing myself for giving him a dummy in the first place. Mummies with new babies take note!!

It looks like I will be heading back to work on 1 February, although I’ve managed to agree part time work with my employer which is nice. I have mixed feelings about this.  I would prefer to be in a country with longer maternity leave, here it is only 4 months long but I took some unpaid leave to extend my time.  I know that it’s even worse in the US so I have full respect to the mammas there that have to go back to work when baby is 6 weeks old or younger (I don’t know how you do it).

The good part about going back to work is that I know that my baby will be staying with someone who loves him.  He will be looked after by my husband’s parents’ maid in a kind of nanny situation (maids are very common here and she is very well looked after and doesn’t want to leave), who absolutely adores him like he’s her own and his little face lights up whenever he sees her.  He will be thoroughly spoiled when he is with her. As he will be at his grandparents’ house he will be comfortable and not in a group situation which often leads to more frequent illnesses.  Not that this is a bad option either, but I am fortunate enough to have an alternative.

Already I’ve been taking him to her three days a week for a few hours at a time. I have loved my baby-free time as it has allowed me to go to the gym and yoga and do odd jobs like visit the grocery store without a baby in tow (a real treat). That will soon be replaced by work and so bye bye mummy’s personal time I guess, but hello using my brain again.  I hope that the balance of work and baby will work out although I’m sure it will take some getting used to as well. Expect some kind of post mid-February where I’m freaking out.

Until then, here’s the small guy enjoying all the pleasures life has to offer.

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Long overdue… The Liebster Award

Around 7 million years ago, aka November 5th LAST YEAR, the lovely Kate over at the What Is Normal For blog was kind enough to nominate me for The Liebster Award. This award is such a brilliant way to learn about other bloggers who you might find interesting to follow, but also to learn more about those that you already do, such as me!

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HERE ARE THE RULES

  • Thank the blogger who nominated you and link to their post.
  • Answer the 11 questions they asked you.
  • Nominate 11 other bloggers, with your own set of questions.
  • Tag your chosen 11 bloggers, and don’t forget to tell them as well!

 

These are the 11 questions Kate asked me and my answers:

 

1. When did you start blogging?
I started my blog back in February 2016 so it’s coming up to its 2 year anniversary soon.

2. Why did you start your blog?
I’ve always enjoyed writing and used to even write a different blog back when I was a long-distance runner. The origin of this blog was because I was going through a tough time having just lost our first baby.  I thought blogging might help to get some of my thoughts and feelings out as I was having trouble working through all the emotions.  I never expected to connect with so many people and to make new and real friends.  It’s been such a positive experience!

3. What do you do for your day job?
I work in financial public relations.  Essentially I take complex financial and economic information and make it sexy for ordinary folk to read, all the while making my clients’ companies look good in the hope that you will choose them over their competitors.  It is a whole lot more fun that it sounds, I promise. Writing is a big part of what I do, but actually its the human connections that I make as part of my work that excites me the most.  And also it’s been pretty great that my job has been in an area that is internationally relevant as it’s meant I’ve managed to keep a good career as I’ve moved countries.

4.  What would your dream job be?
Something in the sports and fitness industry. I think I harbour a secret dream to open my own health and fitness resort where people can come on holiday, eat well, exercise in the outdoors and unwind.  As I have zero skills or experience in this area it is somewhat of a pipe dream.  I think if the whole kids thing had not worked out I might have taken the plunge, but right now I don’t think it’s a good moment to make such a big challenge for myself.

5. Who is your favorite author? and why?
That is practically impossible for me to narrow down as how do you get past some of the great children’s writers who shaped so much of my childhood (hello Enid Blyton) and then try and compare them to modern greats.  It’s impossible.  But I do find Jojo Moyes a nice read and she’s really funny on Twitter and Instagram.  Her huge dog is particularly adorable.

6. Where do you see you and your blog in the future?
I’ll keep writing the blog for as long as I can find some time and as long as I have something (that I think) is interesting to say.  As for me in the future… well my husband wants to have another baby but I am really not at all keen right now.  However, we do have 15 embryos sitting in the freezer so there is a good chance I will be back trying for a future embryo transfer eventually. Probably once/if I’ve forgotten the horrors of the first six weeks of newborn life.

7. What is your favorite Horror film?
I despise horror films so I do not have a favourite. They are all equally awful.

8. Who is your favorite Blogger?
I like different bloggers for different reasons so I think it wouldn’t be fair to identify just one.  However, on a totally non-fertility related note, I really love the Go Fug Yourself blog/website.  It’s a good stress-buster.

9. Where is your favorite city to visit?
This is the hardest question BY FAR as there are many cities I love and would be happy to return to but for all sorts of different reasons.  Plus, there are a bunch I haven’t visited but would be sure to fall in love with if I had half the chance.  I’ll say Melbourne is my favourite city to visit these days because it’s my home town and living away from “home” means that it feels particularly magic to come back for a visit.  Melbourne does really have everything though.  It is a beautiful city, with lush gardens, gorgeous restaurants, lots of entertainment and good shopping. What more do you want?
Second place: London.

10. How do you motivate yourself?
I think motivation comes down to what sort of person you are.  I am generally self-motivated in most things just by my nature.  However, I’ve had a few of those days recently where everything feels overwhelming and my yoga teacher very helpfully suggested that I should just set out to achieve one thing each day.  It was excellent advice actually because once I’ve done that one thing – big or small – I feel a weight has lifted.  Often that clear air I get then motivates me to do another thing on my list, and so it goes on.  I also think that motivation when it comes to diet or exercise is about developing momentum.  So you kind of need to force yourself to do it for a week or so and then once you’ve established the habit it’s easier to keep going in the same way.

11. What will your new year resolution be if any?
I’m clearly quite late to this, but my new year’s resolution this year is to use less plastic, starting with one-use plastic water bottles.  I like to drink a lot of water so I’m guilty of using many bottles of water each day.  So I’ve switched to having a Camelbak water bottle that I take everywhere with me and so far so good.  I’m yet to buy a bottle of water in 2018.  Yay me!

My nominated 11 bloggers are:

The Endo Zone – Marixa has been on one of the toughest and most unrewarding infertility journeys of anyone I’ve been following and she is the one I wish the most for a happy ending.  Go send her some love.

Trying 4 baby k – This is a great blog to follow as the author and her husband are having a baby (very, very soon) with a donor egg. She is quite young so it just goes to show that infertility can hit regardless of age.

IVF a journey – This brave IVF warrior ended up with twins and I bow down to all folks with twins.  One has been more than enough for me.  Oh yeah, and she went and broke her elbow at Christmas time so she has had to deal with twins while only having the use of one arm!!

You Would Be Pretty If – This mamma from Melbourne makes me feel homesick with practically every post she puts, but it’s also nice to learn of the experiences of another mamma whose baby is close in age to baby N (they’re a couple of weeks apart).  Also, she IS pretty and I think she should change the name of her blog!!

Tales of a 30 Year Old Nothing – This blogging sister just had a new baby so go check out all her lovely posts about that.  The birth was a bit harrowing but baby is doing great!

Our Friggin’ IVF Journey – Another IVF mamma who I think might have had her baby already but she’s not posted anything so I’m sending many, many good vibes her way.

Two Dykes and a Tyke – This blog may need a new name soon because these two beautiful ladies have decided to expand their family and may well be Two Dykes and Two Tykes soon! I’d never thought about lesbian relationships and parenthood much until I started following this blog and it has been an interesting insight.

Triple B – This lovely lady has a babe a month older than my guy but she has had the complete opposite experience of breast feeding to me.  If you want a more positive spin on boob feeding then check her out.

Aliased – This blogger somehow managed to survive hyperemesis gravidarum, that condition where you are very sick for the whole pregnancy, to have a wonderful son and now she’s doing it all over again!! We are due an update but I hope she’s doing great.

The Hejhej blog – This blogger is prolific!!  But if you can survive the envy of her ability to post so often, she is pretty funny about life in general but also motherhood.

Infertility Nonsense – this mamma struggling with secondary infertility has had an horrendous time of late with a cheating husband really rocking her world.  She seems like she could all do with us giving her a big group hug (and maybe kicking her husband up the ass at the same time!)

My 11 questions to the above bloggers:

1. When did you start blogging?

2. Why did you start your blog?

3. What do you do for your day job?

4. Where are you located (city, country)?

5. What has been your biggest regret in your life? 

6. What has been your greatest achievement? 

7. What advice would you give to your 18 year old self? 

8. Do you have a special or unusual skill that perhaps people don’t know about ? (I can sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star in Japanese)

 

 

9. Where is your favorite city to visit?

10. How do you motivate yourself?

11. What do you hope for most in 2018?