I am here to tell you that I am feeling so much better than I was when I wrote my last post. While I refuse to make any excuses for my husband’s behaviour, we did have a calm and detailed conversation on Tuesday night about the issues that lead up to the conflict and then his behaviour in general. I can’t say I feel 100% confident that he won’t do something similar in the future, but I am pleased I got the opportunity to express how poorly I think of him for his behaviour and how unacceptable it will be when we have a child in our house.
I did think hard about whether to be so frank in my previous post, but I decided to share what was going on as an exercise of showing my whole self. While I love my husband and overall I think we make a great team, I think so much of what people present online and on social media in particular doesn’t reveal our full truths. Sometimes life is messy. Sometimes we are all a bit of a bitch. Sometimes even as adults we act quite pathetically. I don’t want anyone who knows me and/or who reads this blog to think everything is perfect in my life every day. But what is important is that we all recognise when we’re wrong and take responsibility for our mistakes.
Now that my husband and I have found a way to move forward, I have been able to sleep again. Oh. My. Goodness. It’s like a weight has been lifted and such a relief to be able to sleep, albeit that is pregnancy sleep which involves getting up to pee several times a night.
Baby has also seemed to calm down a lot since all the hostility ended. During the “two-day siege” baby was very unhappy with lots of aggressive movement accompanied by painful Braxton Hicks. Now I’ve just gone back to the regular painless BH with abdominal tightening. They seem to come mainly at night when I’m at my most tired and when I get up too quickly… and when I say “too quickly” that means anything faster than a snail’s pace.
I am now down to 6 working days left before maternity leave and yet I am still seemingly running the show with my client. My replacement, though much older than me, behaves a little bit like a sweet puppy and is completely deferential to me. That’s very lovely and polite but in some ways it would be nice to see some feistiness as I’m starting to lose confidence that she’s going to be able to take charge when I’m gone. More than once I have had a mini-panic about what state my current clients will be in when I return (will they even still be working with us by then?!!)
Today I had to lead an important meeting with a member of senior management at my client’s company. It involved 1.5 hours driving in each direction on top of the meeting which I was really not happy about. In any case, it was a very interesting meeting with a lot of business strategy discussed and the guy we were meeting seemed to really be listening to me. I was a bit sad that essentially I’m going to hand all of this interesting work to my replacement who seemed to understand about 10% of what he was saying. Ugh.
The baby shower political saga continues to rage on and – while I’d never say it to those going to the kind and generous effort to organise the baby shower – I really do wish I had stuck to my guns and just not had one. The MIL has now gone from being all about hosting the shower, to not wanting to host it or organise it or anything, to now being a little miffed when she didn’t get a personal invitation to it from the girl who is now organising the party. Then another girl has gotten a bit cranky because I am enforcing a no children rule. Thankfully I am not so close to her so if she’s annoyed enough by that rule not to come I really won’t care. But in general I’m like OMG please can everyone stop being crazy?!
Tonight I am doing some quiet things at home because I am tired from the excitement of the driving and the meeting and the craziness. I’ve definitely dialled it down a load this week and I don’t even care. I actually feel better for it. So if that’s the way it’s got to be for the last 3 weeks of this pregnancy so be it. Maybe I’ll just enjoy being a lazy one for a few weeks before the chaos properly sets in.