Just keep blooming

I’ve recovered a little bit of my composure since the unloading of the last post and I’m just trying to focus on the good things with us and the things to look forward to. I also came across this nice message on social media and I think it kind of sums up what I need to focus on.


Just bloom.

So in this spirit, how about a baby update! As of yesterday I am 14 weeks pregnant  which means I’m now in the second trimester!!  This is a level of pregnant that seemed so unreachable just a few short weeks ago.  It is brilliant!  I have been told/accused that I am not exhibiting enough happiness for someone who has been trying for so long to be pregnant and then succeeding, which got me thinking.  Was that (slightly rude) person right and I’ve been holding back and why, or should they just F-off and mind there own business. Well, I’ve decided both are a bit right!  They should definitely mind their own business as everyone is different, everyone’s journey to motherhood is different and frankly, can someone please tell me what the “correct” reaction to pregnancy is meant to be?  Am I meant to whoop and shout and shove it down everyone’s throats all day?  Do they really want to know the ins and outs of my pregnancy?  I’m sure they’d be delighted to all know how gassy I am since falling pregnant.  Haha!

But actually there was a degree of truth in that misplaced comment. I think I have been holding back on being outwardly delighted.  The thing with infertility and loss (miscarriage or otherwise) is that you can’t quite believe that this is happening to you and – in my case – I am afraid to celebrate it too much, lest I jinx myself and it all goes wrong.  I think it’s a kind of post-traumatic stress.

With this in mind, today we went out and looked at pushchairs and car seats.  These are the kinds of baby accessories that get my husband excited.  Beds, breast pumps, nappy bags etc, not so much. I think he’s now on board with my preferred choice of pushchair too so we will think about ordering it in a couple more months time.

Meanwhile, here is a little update on this little micro human chilling out within me

Weight gain: So far I’ve gained around 2kg (around 4lbs) which is apparently normal according to my height and my pre-pregnancy BMI. I’ve not really noticed it going anywhere other than my boobs (which have gone up more than one cup size) and my belly region so far which is good. Long may that continue!

Symptoms: Not many really. I still have occasional and mild heartburn but nothing too awful. I have been really tired the past couple of weeks as I weaned off the steroids and while I was sick, but who is not tired when they’re sick?! I’m feeling pretty good energy wise so I think I’m really lucky compared to other horror stories I hear. Maybe my time will come…

Eating: As I’ve been sick this week I haven’t really been starving like previous weeks.  I have been able to eat pretty well with plenty of veggies in there.  My biggest weakness has been British cheddar cheese and I am tending to have a spot of cheese and biscuits every day around 6pm. As I live in a Mediterranean country, dinner is usually around 8.30pm-9.00pm.  Pregnant me would prefer dinner at 7.30pm, so my cheese and biscuits helps to see me through until then. For those moments at work where I feel like something sweet, I have discovered Marks & Spencer’s Apple Crisps which are basically dehydrated apples. They are delicious, semi-healthy and there’s something about the crunchy factor that helps to temporarily convince me I’ve eaten crisps. I love crisps!! Early on in my pregnancy I was OBSESSED with potatoes – in any format – but that seems to have calmed down a bit. Of course I still like potatoes, but I am no longer dreaming about them.

Sleep: I’ve had a really awful cough this week, which is a bit of a flashback to my bronchitis over New Year.  Coughs do not help with sleep and even by sleeping on two pillows I had a few nights of coughing fits which didn’t help my sleep quality.  The past couple of nights I have been better which is welcome relief. Otherwise, I usually have about 4 hours of amazing sleep in the first half of the night, then I get up to pee at least once and the second half of my sleep is more restless with dreams and waking up repeatedly.

Movement: None.  Way too early.

Emotions: All over the place. Happy one second, in tears the next. Fun times!

Missing: My family being over the other side of the world.  It’s hard to feel special when you don’t have “your people” around to fuss over you. Also, sushi. We’ve been invited to a sushi restaurant tonight by friends who don’t know we are pregnant and the more I think about it, the more I want some delicious sushi in my mouth.

Purchases: I bought a couple of Spring-style maternity dresses.  They’re still way too big so it might have been a bit of overexcitement from my side. Looking at pushchairs with hubby today was exciting too!

Looking forward to: Our next scan in a couple of weeks.  My doppler FINALLY arriving.  It’s been WEEKS since we ordered it – the joys of living in a random country that has a very poor postal system.

Best moment of the week: Finding out our DNA test results and hearing that everything is okay.

Clothes: I’m still in regular clothes including jeans, however I was told that my colleague with the baby due the same time as me has been wearing maternity jeans/trousers for at least 2 weeks so I wondered if I was being silly not to wear mine.  I put some maternity jeans on for lunch and chores today and they kept falling down.  Hmmmm…

Exercise: Due to all the sicknesses in our house this week, most of the exercise I got was from changing all the bed sheets daily.  Have you ever tried to put a cover on a duvet/doona/comforter with a very excited kitten trying to “help” you at every opportunity?  Exhausting!

I made a return to yoga on Friday night and that was great.  I was doing yoga all last year at least 3 times a week so I am able to continue at my regular yoga class – not preggo yoga.  My instructor is also my acupuncturist and so he’s known my situation every step of the way and has been able to help me adapt the positions. I really love it!  However, I need to get the walking back into the schedule which is the plan for next week.

14 thoughts on “Just keep blooming

  1. I think your reaction is 100% normal. Happiness and delight is based on the assumption that there will be a baby in your arms at the end of this. Having experienced loss, we can no longer make that assumption…we know that things go wrong and bad things happen. Sure, we’ve now reached a safer stage of pregnancy and so can possibly start living with more hope and happiness…but it’s not easy. A word of warning. I bought a home doppler and can’t for the life of me find the heartbeat. At our scan on Wednesday I asked the doctor about it and she said it’s extremely difficult…only easier from 16 weeks. So don’t freak out if you can’t find it? Out of interest, where are you currently living??

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you. You hit the nail on the head with your comments! Still, I’m trying to be more open and less like a scared mouse. I haven’t even received our Doppler yet so chances are it will come next month when it’s not really needed anymore! Haha! I’m in Cyprus (check out Google – you sound like you’re American and most Americans confuse it with Cypress the tree 🙈😂


  3. Ooh we have the same thing with family abroad. We set up a Whatsapp group with both sides of the family and every time we go for a scan we upload a picture or a report to the group and it helps us all feel connected. That’s awesome news you have got to 14 weeks!!! Totally know what you mean about not quite believing it. Some cultures don’t even buy any baby stuff until after it has actually arrived – although I imagine that makes for a stressful first month!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s a nice idea. I’m thinking of buying some stuff of course but I don’t want a baby shower. I’m having trouble feeling happy/excited in general so I think this would just be even more pressure to be a certain way. My colleague told her news to everyone this morning and she is clearly delighted and keen to shout the news. I feel even worse when I realise I don’t feel like that.


  4. I think that wasn’t a nice comment for someone to make. Are you just meant to walk around all day long with a huge grin on your face?! It is totally normal for women who get pregnant after going to infertility/miscarriages to be a little anxious and just taking it each day at a time. Other people just don’t understand. Glad to hear things going well otherwise! Those apple crisps sound nice 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks. I appreciate you think I’m not being overly sensitive. It’s hard though. I didn’t think it would be and feel free to tell me I’m an idiot, but I still feel so fragile and like it’s not real. Going to M&S after work when hormonally starving is DANGEROUS!! I ate a whole bag of Percy Pigs one day 🙈


  5. Hi! You are not being overly sensitive at all. First, you’re not a robot so you’re allowed to have a range of feelings! Second, people always say ridiculous, inappropriate things. Ignore them. Glad to hear you are doing well. I like your updates.

    I want to go look at baby cribs + carriages, but I’m nervous. Too soon! Maybe after the 16 week appt. Or the 20 week. For now, I just look at things online.

    Are you going to find out if you’re having a boy or girl?


    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for such lovely comments and I’m super excited you like my updates. I write them for myself mainly but I think it’s nice to share experiences even if they’re not always pretty.
      I’ve only looked at strollers but I think cribs are next on the list. I’m not buying anything yet but just contemplating options so I can do some further research. 16 week appointment sounds like a good time to start getting serious about stuff. We will probably get cracking for real about then.
      We could find out any time from now the gender of the baby as we had the DNA test for Down’s etc. I’ve so far held off finding out but I’m getting more curious now. I of course only care that it’s healthy but I would like a girl. Hubby wants a boy. I swear I’m carrying a boy but who knows. Are you going to find out?


      1. Same – I write for myself, but don’t mind sharing with others in a similar situation.

        I love hearing thoughts on finding out the sex v. not finding out. I’m with you – I’m hoping for a girl, but if I had to bet, it would be a boy. My fiancé (almost husband) has a boy + girl from his previous marriage, so he’s good with either and doesn’t need to know. I might want to, however!

        And so much to research. We’ve settled on a mini crib size as that’s the space we have for now. But a stroller will be harder to choose.

        Good luck!

        Liked by 1 person

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