Just keep blooming

I’ve recovered a little bit of my composure since the unloading of the last post and I’m just trying to focus on the good things with us and the things to look forward to. I also came across this nice message on social media and I think it kind of sums up what I need to focus on.


Just bloom.

So in this spirit, how about a baby update! As of yesterday I am 14 weeks pregnant  which means I’m now in the second trimester!!  This is a level of pregnant that seemed so unreachable just a few short weeks ago.  It is brilliant!  I have been told/accused that I am not exhibiting enough happiness for someone who has been trying for so long to be pregnant and then succeeding, which got me thinking.  Was that (slightly rude) person right and I’ve been holding back and why, or should they just F-off and mind there own business. Well, I’ve decided both are a bit right!  They should definitely mind their own business as everyone is different, everyone’s journey to motherhood is different and frankly, can someone please tell me what the “correct” reaction to pregnancy is meant to be?  Am I meant to whoop and shout and shove it down everyone’s throats all day?  Do they really want to know the ins and outs of my pregnancy?  I’m sure they’d be delighted to all know how gassy I am since falling pregnant.  Haha!

But actually there was a degree of truth in that misplaced comment. I think I have been holding back on being outwardly delighted.  The thing with infertility and loss (miscarriage or otherwise) is that you can’t quite believe that this is happening to you and – in my case – I am afraid to celebrate it too much, lest I jinx myself and it all goes wrong.  I think it’s a kind of post-traumatic stress.

With this in mind, today we went out and looked at pushchairs and car seats.  These are the kinds of baby accessories that get my husband excited.  Beds, breast pumps, nappy bags etc, not so much. I think he’s now on board with my preferred choice of pushchair too so we will think about ordering it in a couple more months time.

Meanwhile, here is a little update on this little micro human chilling out within me

Weight gain: So far I’ve gained around 2kg (around 4lbs) which is apparently normal according to my height and my pre-pregnancy BMI. I’ve not really noticed it going anywhere other than my boobs (which have gone up more than one cup size) and my belly region so far which is good. Long may that continue!

Symptoms: Not many really. I still have occasional and mild heartburn but nothing too awful. I have been really tired the past couple of weeks as I weaned off the steroids and while I was sick, but who is not tired when they’re sick?! I’m feeling pretty good energy wise so I think I’m really lucky compared to other horror stories I hear. Maybe my time will come…

Eating: As I’ve been sick this week I haven’t really been starving like previous weeks.  I have been able to eat pretty well with plenty of veggies in there.  My biggest weakness has been British cheddar cheese and I am tending to have a spot of cheese and biscuits every day around 6pm. As I live in a Mediterranean country, dinner is usually around 8.30pm-9.00pm.  Pregnant me would prefer dinner at 7.30pm, so my cheese and biscuits helps to see me through until then. For those moments at work where I feel like something sweet, I have discovered Marks & Spencer’s Apple Crisps which are basically dehydrated apples. They are delicious, semi-healthy and there’s something about the crunchy factor that helps to temporarily convince me I’ve eaten crisps. I love crisps!! Early on in my pregnancy I was OBSESSED with potatoes – in any format – but that seems to have calmed down a bit. Of course I still like potatoes, but I am no longer dreaming about them.

Sleep: I’ve had a really awful cough this week, which is a bit of a flashback to my bronchitis over New Year.  Coughs do not help with sleep and even by sleeping on two pillows I had a few nights of coughing fits which didn’t help my sleep quality.  The past couple of nights I have been better which is welcome relief. Otherwise, I usually have about 4 hours of amazing sleep in the first half of the night, then I get up to pee at least once and the second half of my sleep is more restless with dreams and waking up repeatedly.

Movement: None.  Way too early.

Emotions: All over the place. Happy one second, in tears the next. Fun times!

Missing: My family being over the other side of the world.  It’s hard to feel special when you don’t have “your people” around to fuss over you. Also, sushi. We’ve been invited to a sushi restaurant tonight by friends who don’t know we are pregnant and the more I think about it, the more I want some delicious sushi in my mouth.

Purchases: I bought a couple of Spring-style maternity dresses.  They’re still way too big so it might have been a bit of overexcitement from my side. Looking at pushchairs with hubby today was exciting too!

Looking forward to: Our next scan in a couple of weeks.  My doppler FINALLY arriving.  It’s been WEEKS since we ordered it – the joys of living in a random country that has a very poor postal system.

Best moment of the week: Finding out our DNA test results and hearing that everything is okay.

Clothes: I’m still in regular clothes including jeans, however I was told that my colleague with the baby due the same time as me has been wearing maternity jeans/trousers for at least 2 weeks so I wondered if I was being silly not to wear mine.  I put some maternity jeans on for lunch and chores today and they kept falling down.  Hmmmm…

Exercise: Due to all the sicknesses in our house this week, most of the exercise I got was from changing all the bed sheets daily.  Have you ever tried to put a cover on a duvet/doona/comforter with a very excited kitten trying to “help” you at every opportunity?  Exhausting!

I made a return to yoga on Friday night and that was great.  I was doing yoga all last year at least 3 times a week so I am able to continue at my regular yoga class – not preggo yoga.  My instructor is also my acupuncturist and so he’s known my situation every step of the way and has been able to help me adapt the positions. I really love it!  However, I need to get the walking back into the schedule which is the plan for next week.

Seriously, you can’t make this stuff up

Firstly, I think everything is fine with the baby on board.  I’m now 13 weeks and 4 days and mainly weaned off my supporting meds.  We got the DNA test results yesterday and they show no signs of any chromosomal issues, for which we are very grateful.  The greatest issue of late has not been baby-related specifically but rather that I keep getting sick.  Following my lovely bout of bronchitis, I got something new over the weekend that was kind of a flu-ish virus which then manifested itself into runny/blocked nose and a reintroduction of my unsociable bronchitis cough.  #funtimes

What I cannot get my head around, however, is how the world works so strangely sometimes.  I’ve mentioned before that I have a colleague who is pregnant and due in April and so my pregnancy news – which is slowly leaking out – now makes us two pregnant women in a team of 5 people at work.  Hmmmm….

Then today out of the blue, another colleague of mine revealed to me that she too is pregnant and would you believe her due date is merely DAYS after mine.  So that is 3 people out of a team of 5 who are pregnant simultaneously.  Holy cow!  On a practical level, I’ve no idea what is going to happen to the work stuff in the middle of this year or who is going to be doing it.  On a personal level, how on EARTH can it be that in a team of 5 there can be 2 women due days apart?

My colleague who announced her pregnancy is a nice person and it’s great news for her, but we have a lot of crossover also in our non-work lives (hello, small community!) so I feel a bit like my baby news has been diluted.  Also, she got pregnant in her first month after getting off the pill!!!!

I know this is daft and selfish and all other bad descriptions but that’s how I feel and this is my blog so I am able to reveal uncomfortable truths.  It means that our children will forever be compared to each other and I guess so will we as parents.  I told my husband tonight and he was really understanding of why I felt deflated but he reassured me that it’s not about her or anyone else.  It’s about us celebrating that we have (hopefully) got a very healthy, happy baby coming soon after a long journey to get pregnant. He’s right of course, but isn’t it a bit weird?  Don’t you think that someone who controls these things is trying to teach me to be a better person?  To challenge me to overcome my insecurities?  Sheesh, they could have found a nicer way to do so!

Hello baby!

Today I am starting to finally breathe out after seemingly holding my breath since early November. Yesterday we had our 12 weeks scan, although technically I was 11 weeks and 4 days yesterday, and this lovely little micro person greeted us on the screen!

This is the first time I have actually been able to almost believe there is a baby inside my belly. Even with the fuzzy picture of the ultrasound you can clearly see a nice big head, body and little legs. We could also see arms and even fingers even though they aren’t visible here. The baby was making some good movements so perhaps we have an athlete or a dancer on our hands!

As part of the scan the doctor was checking for indications of issues such as Down’s Syndrome. Initial visual checks all looked good and the fact you can see a nose bone in profile is also likely indicative of no Down’s. However I also gave a blood test so that they can check the foetal DNA present in my blood to be sure of chromosomal abnormalities. We should know about that for sure in a couple of weeks. 

It was a really positive appointment and nothing like the horrid stressful ones I’ve grown used to having. It’s weird to feel kind of happy. It’s even started to sink in that we might actually have a baby in July this year – something that’s seemed too scary to wish for previously. 

I’m also delighted that I am being weaned off the meds. Hallelujah!!! Over the next month I’ll be reducing most meds. The mini-aspirin will stay until 20 weeks. Clexane jabs I get to keep doing throughout the pregnancy and 1 month after so no respite for my poor bruised belly. 

Symptoms wise, I’m peeing a lot and the heartburn remains. It is unpredictable though coming and going intermittently. I am more tired these past few days but also I’ve been busy and getting over the bronchitis so not sure what to attribute that to mostly. My belly is getting rounder but I can still fit in most clothes – I’ve only gained around 2kg so far. I think it’s time to look for some maternity bras as the bazookas need some love! 

I don’t know if this is a symptom, but I also look like crap and my hair is all lank. So much for pregnancy glow!!

We have told a few more people our news now – now all our parents know, as does my sister and a few of my close friends. Hubby hasn’t told his brother yet (don’t ask) but has told some friends at work (yes, that makes no sense I know). Everyone has been delighted for us, especially those that know of our battles until now. I have been reluctant to share and I still feel that way but I guess it will become obvious soon so better to be upfront about it. 

So exiting! 

New year, same me

I know it’s all the rage to start the year with a “New Year, new me” outlook, but I’ve taken a different route this year and I’m just going with the motto to keep things going just as they are.  I’m now at 10 weeks and 3 days and, as far as I know, all is well.

I did have a bit of a freak out last week when I felt like my symptoms had mellowed a bit. I felt less tired, less nauseous and less heartburn. I emailed my doctor and he was pretty firm that it was all okay, writing to me via email the following response:

“The body adapts to the hormonal changes and that is why people feel the symptoms go away. There is a basis for the pregnancy to stop and the hormones to drop and then ‘stop feeling pregnant’ but it takes about 3 weeks for this to happen and was used as a symptom where no scans were available or not offered – since we had a recent scan then I am not concerned regarding that.”

So that told me.  To be honest, I probably needed someone to tell me to effectively stop being so over-sensitive.  If I think about it, the previous few days had been very quiet at home with good periods of rest which is probably why I wasn’t feeling so tired. And also the placenta should be starting to take over and maybe that’s why I have not been feeling so bad.

That was until my modest cold metamorphised into bronchitis over the past few days, so now I have a horrible, chunky cough that doesn’t really permit proper sleep.  Now I’m tired again!  Lesson there… be careful what you wish for! Other than this aspect of not feeling well, I have mainly lost the nauseous feeling in the evenings but I still struggle with meat for dinner.  Today and yesterday I’ve had heartburn come out of nowhere and my boobs have grown in size so much that I now refer to them as “the bazookas”.  I’m usually a small-boobed woman so having an actual cleavage is making me delirious with wonder. I also seem to have quite a decent belly pooch going on.  I wouldn’t like to call it an actual baby belly, because it’s not.  It’s just bloating mainly, for sure not helped by all the meds I’m taking, especially the progesterone pessaries. This has meant that my fashion choices have become limited so I went through my wardrobe today trying on regular clothes to see which still fit and looked alright and which did not.  The latter got relegated to a lower priority area of my wardrobe!

Just over a year or so ago, back when I was pregnant the first time and our naivety was running strong, my lovely husband went out and bought me a bunch of maternity clothes for my Christmas present.  Of course then I had the miscarriage and I effectively told him I didn’t want to see what he’d bought so those things have stayed hidden somewhere in his cupboard for more than a year.  Literally, I never even saw them. Well today he thought it would be okay to get them out and show them to me.  And do you know what, he chose some really lovely things so I genuinely hope I get to wear them in a few weeks time.  I tried on the maternity jeans he bought and they’re a perfect fit butt/leg wise, but my baby belly will need to do some growing before I can legitimately wear them. That said, I think they’d be super comfy even from now!  Hahaha!

At the moment we remain quietly optimistic that this pregnancy will go well.  We have our big scan on January 10 which is when they look for Down’s Syndrome and take blood to check DNA for other chromosomal abnormalities.  I am quite anxious to pass this key stage, but also to check to make sure everything is growing as it should be.  I think if that goes well, we will be more happy to share our news with more people.  So far we have only told my Mum and his parents and both sets of parents have been very happy (obviously) but have seriously missed the message to CHILL OUT until we know everything is okay.

The parents-in-law have been particularly intense (they’re not known for their relaxed nature) and gave me a million questions the other day ranging from when do we find out the gender (everyone wants a girl so I swear it will be a boy because of Murphy’s Law), have we visited x,y,z baby store yet (no, we don’t want to jinx ourselves), how long will I be taking maternity leave (eff off, that’s none of your business), what kind of car will you buy – you must have an SUV because then you don’t have to lift the baby (seriously), doesn’t a c-section take only a week to recover from (I actually went mental at this one)?

So you know, when people say they held off on waiting to tell people their baby news, maybe they waited because they don’t want the overwhelming barrage of questions and intrusiveness! Is it possible just not to talk to anyone for the next 7 or so months?  That would be my ideal scenario!

Anyway, I’m thinking of buying a doppler.  Does anyone have any good experiences with these or are they a stupid waste of money?