Happy Birthday to me!

Tomorrow is my birthday and I got my present a day early… My scan went as perfectly as I could have hoped for!

I had so much anxiety leading up to the appointment that the morning seemed to pass by like an eternity. By the time I got to the clinic I had gone through every negative possibility in my head and had prepared myself for the worst. 

On arrival, the doctor asked how I was and I don’t think my answer of “So stressed my anxiety has reached a new stratosphere” was what he was expecting to hear. 

Into the scan room we went and hubby has learned from previous (bad) experience that it’s not good to be standing for this kind of news so went straight for the chair. 

And then on our screen we saw a lovely mass of something or other that is our embryo. I can’t say it truly looks like a baby, but maybe more like a dinosaur at this stage. In any case, our little baby dinosaur is now 12mm and had a heart rate of 143bpm, which is bang on what it should be for 7 weeks 3 days!

It was actually really funny as I pretty much demanded to know the heart rate so the doctor took some time to work it out. I’ve had problems in the past where the heart rate was a bit low – an indication that the embryo was failing – so when he confirmed 143 I burst into tears knowing that normal is between 120-160 at this stage. 

I am officially an IVF nerd. 

After leaving the clinic hubby asked me if I’m happy. I guess so but it still manifests itself in relief. I think happy must come a bit further down the line if we manage to get there. But for now everything is good. 

Everything. 

Is. 

Good. 

Please remind me of the fact that everything is good when I no doubt have a failure of confidence some time in the next few days.

Happy Birthday to me! šŸŽ‰

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22 thoughts on “Happy Birthday to me!

  1. Thanks so much! I just caught up with your blog post. So sorry to hear you’re a bit down. I’m not sure if it helps but after my last EC I spent about an hour crying and saying I was never, ever doing this ever again. I was saying it was all BS and if this is what it takes to have a baby then I am out if we have to do another EC so I hear you!! I was v poorly physically and emotionally for a while after and then I got better. I didn’t do a fresh transfer so I had some time to regroup before the FET and I was feeling mentally good to go. I know this is SUCH a cliche but literally just handle today. And then tomorrow handle that day and so on. Do something nice every so often and remind yourself you’re a good person. Because you are. xxx

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    1. Thanks! Yes it sounds like you totally get it. I just hate going through the EC on top of everything and was feeling crappy afterwards. I seriously don’t know how some women find the strength to keep going through it over and over. I agree, just taking it one day at a time seems to be helping me a lot right now and being kind to myself. I’ve been super emotional lately too! Now I just have to get through the next two weeks xxx

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      1. I don’t know how they handle it either but I think these things affect us all a bit differently. I think you’re doing great and it’s a huge emotional burden before you consider all the physical stuff. Just remember to keep swimming! xx

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