This is The Week

As the title says, this is the week for us where it all happens.  This is the week where we have previously encountered some problems and so it’s fair to say that it feels like life is on hold until we get past this period.  Even planning Christmas and New Year is next to impossible because I need to know whether I’m going to be pregnant still in order to know if I need to somehow come up with a way to disguise my lack of booze consumption.  I know that sounds a bit grim, but I’ve got history so I feel like I need to be ready for every eventuality, even the not good one.  Monday is my scan so I am crossing everything that is crossable that our little embryo is growing nicely in there.  Please, please be growing!

After my mini-meltdown earlier this week I have realised what caused my symptoms to mellow and it most likely had nothing to do with the embryo’s success or failure but rather that I’d told my acupuncture guy about the heartburn and so on Tuesday night he had given me a needle to ease it.  Turns out it works and I just forgot he’d done that!  So stupid of me!

So I am now officially 7 weeks and 1 day pregnant (unless told otherwise, I am forcing myself to refer to myself as pregnant even though I am still in denial) and I’m now feeling a bit more tired. I had a big day out yesterday with a client that involved me driving for about 3 hours behind the wheel, not to mention all of the “performing” that is required when you are client facing.  When I got home at 7pm I was way more tired than you would expect of the kind of day I had had.  Even today I’m still feeling a bit rundown so it’s been a very quiet one for me.

I’ve also got a bonus thing going on in the periphery of my life right now.  Someone close to me who has been trying for a baby for some time , including a round of IVF, has told me she just found out she’s pregnant naturally (she’s literally just passed 4 weeks). She disclosed the information to me because she knows my situation and she thought I would understand her fears and what she’s going through.  So it’s a massive compliment that she would share something so deeply personal and private with me.  At the same time it’s a lot for me to take on board as it means that – all going to plan for both of us – we will be due just a few weeks apart. Or worse… if one of ours doesn’t work out then one of us will be all in the other’s face.

I know this is going to sound weird, but I would have liked her good news to be a bit spaced out from mine. This person is already a mother to kids who are tweens so in many ways it would be good to have a buddy going through the same stuff who has some idea of what to do.  At the same time, I’m the kind of person who likes a bit of space to find my own way and I can’t help but feel a bit sad about this whole possibility of either sharing my pregnancy with her or having to watch hers grow and blossom if mine fails. Full disclosure: the latter is what is freaking me out the most.

I might change my tune later on, but it’s a bit like when you tell someone something great and they just turn around and tell you something even greater.  It makes you feel a bit miffed that your fabulous news didn’t get the reception it was due.

 

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