Everything is fine, right?!!

You know the worrying never actually stops, does it? I am feeling pretty confident this time around, but the spectres of the failed pregnancies of yore are really tenaciously digging their nails into my puny little mind. 

Even after the strong blood test results on Friday I still started to get edgy yesterday, so I did another home pregnancy test to see if the line was darker (it was). Then today I went to have another blood test and the hCG results came back at 500, which is well within a normal range. Somehow though I still have the lingering frustration that I wish it was higher. I wish it was heading towards the 1000 mark right now, which is not impossible but might have been a bit unrealistic.  

The thousands of online articles I have read on this subject say the rate of increase of hCG is often related to the chances of a full term delivery. So while I’m still definitely in the acceptable range, I long to be in the exceptional range!! I’m not settling well for mediocrity right now.

I have even put my results into this super-fab HCG calculator – http://www.babymed.com/tools/hcg-calculator (get on it, ladies!) and it tells me that my hCG levels are tracking above average! It is very hard to trust anything right now as I know that even though my data is technically good (see below), it doesn’t mean it will stay that way. Does anyone have any data on their hCG levels that will make me feel better about mine?

 

#paranoid

My IVF doctor (the one that is literally desperate for me to have a full term pregnancy so that I will leave him the hell alone) gave this feedback: “It’s only been 3 days since the last one so it seems ok for now. Let’s keep doing them every 2-3 days to see how they go”.

Which means I am going to do another round of hCG testing on Wednesday. While I am not enjoying being stabbed every few days I think I am finding the testing mentally helpful (though it might not seem it here).

I also had my progesterone tested today so I’m waiting for those results too.

Apart from regularly freaking out and googling everything every time I get 5 minutes to myself (standard), I had a pretty restful weekend. I must say I felt pretty average on Saturday – a bit dizzy and fuzzy headed. I also did my second round of intralipids on Saturday afternoon and they took more than 3 hours – it was so incredibly boring! Not helped by the fact that while I was at the clinic strapped up to the IV hubby was off having a beer with friends (he told them I was having my nails done – ha, I wish!)

Another fun part of this weekend was that I had the most epic outbreak of insomnia yet. I’ve been a bit plagued by insomnia recently, waking up around early every day, but this is probably thanks to the steroids. However, this weekend on both mornings not only was I awake, but I was unbearably so and just had to get out of bed before sunrise. It’s like jetlag without the nice holiday destination.  

Yesterday afternoon I had an afternoon nap and then I slept really well last night so maybe the jet lag insomnia is tempered for a bit. I haven’t really noticed any other steroids-related side effects but the messing up my sleeping is definitely, definitely not my imagination!! However, if it means we get a baby out of this then I am TOTALLY FINE with my jet lag insomnia.

Apart from the aforementioned jet lag insomnia, I also have tender, slightly bigger bbs and I think my husband would tell you I’ve been a bit cranky. Otherwise, no other symptoms yet. I have got some mild bloating, but that’s most likely down to our best friend, progesterone pessaries.

I’m trying to stay positive, but my heart is so fragile. Part of me knows I have to not relax into this and consider it a done deal because it will make any potential loss so much worse, but at the same time I know I have to stay optimistic. Arrgghhh!

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15 thoughts on “Everything is fine, right?!!

  1. Wow! That’s a really impressive increase!! try not to worry although I know the worry never ends… mine didn’t even double in 48 hours, it doubled in about 51 (I used the same calculator!) and the doctor was still very pleased and told me I don’t need to get a third test and just book a scan at around 5.5 weeks. At the time I was a bit worried of course, but in the end I think additional testing is just more stress inducing and for me it was much better to just wait until the scan…as my stress levels always build up when waiting for test results… Anyway you know what works best for you, but it does indeed look like everything is fine and going well 🙂

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    1. That’s really comforting actually. For me my issue has not been conceiving but getting the embryo to grow and so that’s why I’m so concerned about the increase in numbers. I actually feel less anxiety from the testing as I know where I’m at. The not knowing kills me. What could the Dr see at 5.5 weeks? Too early for a heartbeat?

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      1. 5.5 is very early I think they just wanted to make sure it was a uterine pregnancy and also if it was 1 or 2. Turns out there were 2 sacs and on one you could see the yolk sac too. I was convinced I would have vanishing twin syndrome due to the slow hcg rise and the fact one sac had been smaller but at my 7 week scan the second one caught up and we heard the heartbeats. You would think the worry would end then or at my 10 week scan but it doesn’t really unfortunately 🙂 I think infertility scars you pretty well. Anyway sorry for the negative spin, but I do think it sounds like you are onto a winner this time 🙂

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      2. Thank you! I am trying my best to enjoy this pregnancy but it’s hard… Also my thyroid has started acting up and it looks like I am hyperthyroid, and I am terrified my endo will prescribe more drugs for me now, I have to go see him today… I remember you saw one I a while ago were you pleased with him? I really don’t wanna take more drugs
        So will want a second opinion if he recommends it

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      3. Thanks 🙂 My new gyno is a lady now and I am really pleased with her so far! I think I have the opposite from you, you are taking thyroxine right? Thats the most common type of thyroid disorder (my mum has it too) but mine is actually producing too much thyroid hormones now.. my TSH is literally non-existent its 0.01… just when you think you can relax something new hits you! anyway I’ll see what my endo says today and if I need a second opinion I will let you know xxx

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  2. Yay for the update, I’ve waiting to read it! Those really are some great numbers! I know that probably doesn’t make you feel too relieved because there’s a zillion contradicting articles/forums/etc. on Dr. Google that might scare you otherwise, but they really *are* good numbers.

    To give you some perspective, my last two pregnancies had beginning betas of 58.4 and 5.97 (<–not a typo. Seriously: 5) and both ended in miscarriage. So you're way up there already with 176 and 500. We all know how dicey early pregnancy is after IVF and there's nothing crueler than false hope, but having solid beta numbers with steady rises are a fantastic starting sign.

    Now get back to Dr. Google until Weds, because I know that that's what you'll be doing! And breathe! b-r-e-a-t-h-e…..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much for your comforting words. It does help to hear other people’s views and experiences. I was delighted with the first test result but I’m just so worried this one will do what the others have done and that is latch on well at the start and then deteriorate. Another test on Wednesday so fingers crossed!!

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    1. My doctor is crap for reassurance but I think he is trying to be more supportive this time because I went crazy at him a couple of weeks ago. I think the reason he wants me to do a third blood test is just to stop me complaining. It won’t stop me, but it might buy him some time. Hahaha! yeah intralipids are just straight up boring! I brought hubby first time and it was like having a child with me (i.e. not helpful) so I went alone this time. I thought I might have a nap as I was tired from my insomnia jet lag, but no it was visiting hours in the baby clinic (the place I go to also delivers babies and I was in one of the inpatient rooms) and there were so many people shrieking. I think I just got a window into the fact that there will be no rest in that place even after giving birth! 🙂

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  3. It is madness how it all becomes a numbers game for every part of the process…..ends up making it feel like you are taking exams every day and you are disappointed when you don’t ‘exceed’ the average!! All I can say I’ve got all my fingers crossed for you for a sticky bean 😀

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  4. Hi and congrats!! I’m in the same boat. There is no particular milestone where I think we can “just relax.” It’s just taking it one step at a time – make it to the next bloodwork; make it to ultrasound; get released to OB… even then there’s still months of pregnancy and then labor and then infanthood…… it never ends! But that’s motherhood. Hope the good news continues!

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