Today is 4dp5dt and I am floating about in that special kind of mental hell solely reserved for the 2WW. I have no idea if this has worked and it’s driving me crazy!
So what symptoms or “ghost symptoms” do I have?
Since Friday I have had a very, very sore back but the reality of that now seems to be that I actually do have a sore back. I’ve got a reoccurring thing with my back which is not serious, but I think that’s what’s happening now, rather than implantation pain. However, occasionally today I have felt some feelings that might be a little like period pain, but I am afraid I am imagining it. Also, as my back is so sore I feel that any other pain would be almost unnoticeable in comparison. After my last transfer, it was day 4 when I got very noticeable implantation pain so I am a bit worried that I haven’t been feeling the same things as last time. Maybe that’s a good thing though as we all know how last time turned out. 😦
Overall today I feel a bit lousy. Nothing really serious, but that kind of weird feeling you get before you come down with a cold. Your throat is a bit scratchy, you’ve got a bit of a headache, maybe you’re a bit hot and then a bit cold. However, I am also feeling freaking miserable and I’ve been home alone now for 4 days (husband is abroad with work – great timing) and I think I’m losing my mind. Can losing your mind give you a headache? (I’m sure the answer is yes, by the way)
I am a bit tired today, but not sleepy. I am wondering if this down to our nice friends the steroids? Normally progesterone makes me super snoozy, but this time round I’ve barely noticed its impact. I can’t say I have insomnia either (one of the reported side effects of steroids) though I will confess to waking quite early the past few days. Both times when I was pregnant I also found I would wake up very early, but again, I don’t want to read anything much into this. I’m also really into eating cheese today and I don’t each much cheese generally.
Finally, I’ve got a couple of small, blind pimples that have popped up in the past 24 hours and I think my boobs are microscopically bigger, but I can’t be sure. All of these (ghost) symptoms could mean nothing or something. Arrgggggh!
This weekend has been such a downer in general with my husband away and I’ve felt so incredibly lonely. One of the drawbacks of living away from your own country is that in times like this when you just want a good friend to come over and watch movies with you there is no one to turn to – not to mention someone help you do the grocery shopping (helloooo lifting!!). My best friend back home has been sending me encouraging text messages of support but she is really my only support beyond my (currently absent) husband. I might have underestimated how hard it was to go through the 2WW without him here…
And just to stab me in heart a tiny bit more, someone I know well and who knows my IVF situation (I will not describe them in any more detail for fear of identification) very kindly called me last night to ask how I was doing. We had a nice chat, she asked me what I was doing today and when I said my schedule was pretty open she invited me to lunch with her and some others. I accepted the invitation and she said she would call me in the morning to arrange the details.
The morning came. No phone call. Of course I could have called her, but as the invitation came from her it seemed a bit pathetic for me to go chasing after her to check she still wanted me to come. At about midday I see on Facebook that she’s posted selfies at lunch – that’s the lunch she had invited me to go to but didn’t tell me where it was or when. Might have been nice to hold off on the selfies don’t you think?!
It wasn’t so much the lunch itself, but rather the rejection that struck me right in the core of my heart. So I went grocery shopping at lunchtime instead and bought cheese. I think I might actually be looking forward to going to work tomorrow as a distraction!