You know the worrying never actually stops, does it? I am feeling pretty confident this time around, but the spectres of the failed pregnancies of yore are really tenaciously digging their nails into my puny little mind.
Even after the strong blood test results on Friday I still started to get edgy yesterday, so I did another home pregnancy test to see if the line was darker (it was). Then today I went to have another blood test and the hCG results came back at 500, which is well within a normal range. Somehow though I still have the lingering frustration that I wish it was higher. I wish it was heading towards the 1000 mark right now, which is not impossible but might have been a bit unrealistic.
The thousands of online articles I have read on this subject say the rate of increase of hCG is often related to the chances of a full term delivery. So while I’m still definitely in the acceptable range, I long to be in the exceptional range!! I’m not settling well for mediocrity right now.
I have even put my results into this super-fab HCG calculator – http://www.babymed.com/tools/hcg-calculator (get on it, ladies!) and it tells me that my hCG levels are tracking above average! It is very hard to trust anything right now as I know that even though my data is technically good (see below), it doesn’t mean it will stay that way. Does anyone have any data on their hCG levels that will make me feel better about mine?
My IVF doctor (the one that is literally desperate for me to have a full term pregnancy so that I will leave him the hell alone) gave this feedback: “It’s only been 3 days since the last one so it seems ok for now. Let’s keep doing them every 2-3 days to see how they go”.
Which means I am going to do another round of hCG testing on Wednesday. While I am not enjoying being stabbed every few days I think I am finding the testing mentally helpful (though it might not seem it here).
I also had my progesterone tested today so I’m waiting for those results too.
Apart from regularly freaking out and googling everything every time I get 5 minutes to myself (standard), I had a pretty restful weekend. I must say I felt pretty average on Saturday – a bit dizzy and fuzzy headed. I also did my second round of intralipids on Saturday afternoon and they took more than 3 hours – it was so incredibly boring! Not helped by the fact that while I was at the clinic strapped up to the IV hubby was off having a beer with friends (he told them I was having my nails done – ha, I wish!)
Another fun part of this weekend was that I had the most epic outbreak of insomnia yet. I’ve been a bit plagued by insomnia recently, waking up around early every day, but this is probably thanks to the steroids. However, this weekend on both mornings not only was I awake, but I was unbearably so and just had to get out of bed before sunrise. It’s like jetlag without the nice holiday destination.
Yesterday afternoon I had an afternoon nap and then I slept really well last night so maybe the jet lag insomnia is tempered for a bit. I haven’t really noticed any other steroids-related side effects but the messing up my sleeping is definitely, definitely not my imagination!! However, if it means we get a baby out of this then I am TOTALLY FINE with my jet lag insomnia.
Apart from the aforementioned jet lag insomnia, I also have tender, slightly bigger bbs and I think my husband would tell you I’ve been a bit cranky. Otherwise, no other symptoms yet. I have got some mild bloating, but that’s most likely down to our best friend, progesterone pessaries.
I’m trying to stay positive, but my heart is so fragile. Part of me knows I have to not relax into this and consider it a done deal because it will make any potential loss so much worse, but at the same time I know I have to stay optimistic. Arrgghhh!