I’m in the middle of no-man’s land at the moment as I wait for my next cycle and likely transfer date in November. It’s actually nice as I’m mainly medication-free (thyroid meds excepted) and I almost feel like my usual self at the moment.
The pregnant girl at my work is being occasionally irritating – I nearly cried at my desk on Friday when she came back from a doctor’s appointment and was joyfully telling everyone she could kind of see a hand on her baby scan – but I really feel that’s my sensitivity rather than any insensitivity on her part.
However, this and the recent family christening drama have made me wonder how much should I have to apologise for my own grief?
I understand that we are all in our own bubbles and narcissistic to varying degrees. So while I’m walking around thinking everyone is staring and pointing at me as “the childless one” maybe they’re not. Or maybe it’s a fleeting thought before they go back to thinking about what’s for dinner.
There is a grounding for these thoughts in that there is some unresolved issues currently with my hubby’s family and I’m not really sure how much I should unload on them. I think I’ve explained before here, that his parents are very nice, kind and generous people but they have an almost total lack of empathy. So even if I did emotionally unload I won’t get the response that I want from them, which is kindness and understanding.
I realise that in a normal situation most people would just be honest and let them understand the pain that we are feeling. But my husband is VERY private and I don’t think he would want me to do that. At the same time, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work out that we’ve been married for 3.5 years, together for 7.5 years and I’m fast approaching my 38th birthday. With no baby in sight it doesn’t take much to deduce that maybe we have a sensitivity to this topic.
So am I being overly unrealistic about how other people should behave, or should those who are close to me be more sensitive? Should I be apologising more freely for my own grief? How much information is too much to share?
All advice welcome!