Swimming against the tide

Let’s start off with some cheering news today. Our 25 embryos that fertilised were checked this morning and all 25 of them are still viable! Of the 25, 10 of them are considered good quality at this stage, 10 of them are considered average and 5 of them are considered poor.  We have almost zero hope that the poor ones will make it, but I hope a good number of the other 20 will turn into beautiful blastocytes.

More importantly, I hope that one of them is my golden egg/embryo that turns into a baby.

My recovery from the egg collection has been just as slow and painful as I expected. Three days later and I still have a giant blob belly that is uncomfortable and unsightly.  For the past couple of days I have struggled with digestive issues and very painful gas, which I am confident is related to the anaesthesia more than the collection itself.  I have had similar issues with anaesthesia in the past.

My doctor did tell me to continue to take a low dose of the downreg meds (Suprefact, in my case) for a week or so to try and help keep the OHSS at bay.  I have had some pretty painful days and have not been holding back with the painkillers, but I think it is getting a little less painful as time goes on. I’m hoping by this time next week I am going to be feeling almost good again, or somewhat close to it.  I’m running out of loose clothes so I had better improve fast!

The past couple of days I have been working on feeling better about myself generally so on Thursday I had a fresh hair cut and colour and yesterday I went for a manicure and pedicure. I genuinely believe there is some logic in trying to make the outside of you look a bit better if the inside is feeling quite crap. It has definitely helped and also my hairdresser knows everything so I don’t have to suck in my giant belly when I see him (this is important!!).

Today was the christening of my husband’s brother’s baby, and I’ve not been looking forward to it. I think I mentioned previously that after every procedure I’ve had (IVF and miscarriage-related) there has been (by coincidence) some kind of important family event I’ve had to attend and pretend like nothing is wrong. It’s a weird offshoot of karma I think.

Everyone is completely besotted by this baby as he is the first grandchild on both sides. He was also unplanned, or a surprise, which I believe is the more polite way of saying it. He seems much loved and so who cares, but as a member of infertility land, the concept of just having sex and BY ACCIDENT conceiving a baby continues to blow my mind.  But anyway, lucky them.  I’m sure they have other hopes and dreams that have not been fulfilled so you never know if you’ve got it better or not than someone else.

I was dreading the christening in general, and also so was hubby actually – maybe more than me. I managed to find a dress that was structured and chic while, very importantly, hiding my blob belly, so actually I think I looked alright (good hair etc always helps). On arrival at the church I saw one of the couple’s friends who is obviously in the early stages of pregnancy (they got married 12 months ago). Of course that made my backbone just a little bit more rigid than it already was – what a start!

Then it was in to the church for all the obligatory greeting of family members, blah, blah, blah. Most conversation was very superficial so I got through that fine.  Then halfway through the ceremony, one of hubby’s aunties turned around to talk to us.  I need to qualify here that she is approaching 80 years old and a very nice and kind woman.  She also is not diplomatic.

She turned around to me and patted my knee and said, “This time next year I hope this will be you.  I am praying for you.” Well, you can imagine my fury and hurt. She has prior form with these types of comments, but I had no patience for it today. Not to mention I was sitting next to someone who didn’t need to be privy to that conversation.  So I sat very straight upright and replied “Please do not say that. It is very offensive. Don’t say that again please”.

This is BY FAR the most direct I have ever been with anyone who has said such a comment to me before.  The only disappointing element is that her English knowledge is not so strong so I actually do not think she understood me. I am now going to start practicing a local language version of this for maximum impact in future.

Unfortunately, this then meant I was thrown off a bit from my zen state.  It’s hard to come back from something like this and be relaxed afterwards.  There is some other family stuff going on as well, which I don’t want to write about here as it’s not my business, but safe to say it was a very stressful situation.

Normally after these things it’s customary to mill around afterwards and engage in chit chat. Hubby was so ready to go we left almost immediately afterwards.  This did not go unnoticed I am sure.  Although there is most commonly a lunch after a christening, this time a dinner has been organised at a restaurant in the evening.  So aggrieved and just generally over it was hubby he has subsequently declined to attend the dinner.

This is probably going to cause the most huge family rift imaginable, but I am proud of him.  It’s not easy to swim against the tide and he has his reasons for not wanting to go. tonight.  It would be quite easy for us to turn up and smile and nod (and endure insensitive comments) but he has put his foot down.  My hubby is such a tough nut, sometimes that I want to burst with pride.

I am 100% certain that we have offended most of his family today.  That is quite an accomplishment (maybe not one to be proud of though). Sometimes you have to put your foot down though and say ENOUGH!

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20 thoughts on “Swimming against the tide

  1. Good for you for calling out those ignorant comments! Whether she fully understood or not, I’m sure she got the picture.

    Congrats on the embryos! Crossing fingers & toes for lots of blastocysts 🙂

    I get what you mean by the hair thing – for the past year and a half of this stuff, I’ve told myself that I would not go to the salon for a cut, color, nothing, until I got pregnant – like I’m some damn baseball player wearing the same socks for luck. Weird. Well, my hair was just below my chin then and now it’s well below my shoulders, and, hell, I’ve got to cut it, just gotta!! So my appointment is coming soon as well.

    (On the other hand, massages and the occasional facials have remained my friends throughout!).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t know if she did get the picture, but I really, really hope that she did. I think I’m going to keep with this strategy going forward.
      Oh luv DEFINITELY CUT YOUR HAIR! If this wasn’t an anonymous blog I would be posting photos of mine today. Hahaha! You have to celebrate the small things in life. 🙂 I did hold off on the colouring until after the EC, even though I think that probably had zero impact but the paranoia does creep in.
      I had a strategy to start with that I wouldn’t buy any new clothes as there was no point if I was going to be pregnant. I laugh at myself one year later! Now I have an opposing strategy. I like to buy things that would be entirely useless if pregnant. This is an infertility version of reverse psychology (also not seeming to work, but yay shopping!) xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Amazing news about the embies
    🙂 sounds like things are going really well and according to plan!! As for the family stuff I can just imagine the scenario sounds like a typical Cypriot Granny thing to say unfortunately tact is not really well appreciated by the older generation… Enjoy the new haircut! I was also not buying new stuff when we first started this infertility roller coaster but now I have done and a complete 180 and am very much enjoying pampering myself at every opportunity there has to be a silver lining!!!

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  3. Praying that your embies continue going strong! You have such excellent numbers! I’m sorry that the aunt made a hurtful comment to you, though it actually sounded like a nice comment too from reading it.

    I can relate to ducking out of family baby events SO much! You’re not alone in that. It’s tough to sit through those kinds of things while struggling with infertility, but at least you went at all. Hopefully that will be enough for everyone in your hubby’s family.

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  4. There was no malice at all from the aunt but it’s so patronising. Also it’s not the first time she has made that comment in a public place (hubby and I were not sitting alone) and I’m done with it. People can be especially hurtful when they don’t mean to be and if we don’t let them know they just keep doing it.

    Glad to know I’m not the only one who feels such anxiety around baby-related events. I try to just go with it all, but deep down it is a searing pain. I don’t think our attendance will be enough for the family but ultimately that’s their issue. Interesting times ahead… xx

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  5. I absolutely hated it when people made comments like that to me… Totally uninvited, out of the blue, extremely PRIVATE information. Why do people do that?! My MIL was (still is) terrible for it. Well done for standing up for yourself and that is amazing news on your embryos. I had 4 cycles and only ever got 10 mature eggs in total!! Sounds like you should have a few good blasts to choose from x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. OMG! If my MIL was like that I think I’d go completely bananas!!
      I’ve got PCOS so that’s the main reason I get so many eggs. There’s positives and negatives in every situation but all it takes is one golden egg!! xx

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  6. Amazing numbers! As for the christening, I completely relate. I had to go to my niece’s christening around my due date and it was one of the least fun things ever. Plus being made to hold the baby. I really think people should not force babies on people.

    I think it’s totally okay for you to have left. They don’t know what’s going on but they could be a lot more sensitive. X

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Another way to close them down is to give actual details. “You know, we’d love to have children but I’m infertile. I’ve had several rather painful operations, a lot of problems and we lost a baby last year. So it’s not something I really enjoy talking about.”

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Yay! Congrats on the embryos. Awesome numbers. Good on you both for looking after yourselves and leaving after the christening. It didn’t sound like the place you needed to be right now. Good on you for toughing it out at all! I’m finding any social event challenging these days xx keep up the pampering!

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