So we are back for Season 2 of IVF treatment. I clearly remember coming around from my anaesthesia after my egg removal the first time and swearing I would NEVER do this again. Hmmm… and yet here I am again.
During my first season I was very much the naive novice. Somehow I believed it would all just work out and that would be that. One round and done. Baby in the home and all the suffering worth it. Hahahahahaha! Oh how I laugh at my own memories.
So while I do still have a frosty in the freezer, after two missed miscarriages and associated D&Cs in a row (not to mention the enormous grief), I kind of feel like that whole batch was cursed, though I’m not sure “cursed” is yet recognised as an official medical term.
Today I am on day 3 of the down-reg drugs (for me it’s Suprefact) and I will confess I am not finding it as easy as last time. I think there are several reasons for that, but the main one is that I’ve had a pretty mean summer virus for over a week and I think when you’re feeling lousy to start with, jabbing yourself with a bunch of hormones is really never going to end in you feeling better.
During season 1 of Suprefact the main side-effect I experienced was crazy-intense headaches which I could mainly control by drinking a lake full of water each day. This time round the headache hit with an intensity that made me frown all day. I’ve also been experiencing random sweats which is so unbelievably gross. I know these are common but I didn’t get them last time so feel a bit annoyed that they seem to have turned up this time.
To say I am not looking forward to the stims round does not even cover how I really, truly feel about it. In season 1 I was so unbelievably uncomfortable and stretched by my ovaries growing. And the annoying thing is that it actually gets worse after they take them out! Having all this knowledge this time is in some ways a good thing, but in others is a horror. I know exactly what awaits me and how much I don’t like it!
Last night I even had a cry for about an hour after my jab (which do not even hurt so this is completely irrational) about how I just do not want to be doing this again and how awful it will be to go through it without my kitty baby on my feet every night to keep me company.
That’s right, my cat has not been found. She went missing on 1 July so I don’t have much hope that she’ll come back anytime soon. Of course I still have 2 others who are gorgeous and I love them, but she was my favourite and my little shadow. When all of the bad stuff was going down I could always go home to her and bury my sadness in her furry belly. Anyway, I hope that someone nice has found her and that she’s living the high life on someone else’s sofa now.
As for all of the bazillion blood tests I’ve done recently it seems that I have high prolactin – which could be attributed to my PCOS or could be a brain tumour (side note: don’t you just love how there are such extremes in all of this? – but the other autoimmune tests showed not very much. I’m going to see my specialist in a couple of weeks about it, but over the phone he told me that if there were no extenuating circumstances then none of these test results would be a cause for concern.
This is great news obviously as it shows there’s nothing wrong with me, but it doesn’t really explain what’s been going on with my two failed pregnancies. At this point they best answer I seem to get is that it’s all bad luck.
Yes. I have had some bad luck and bad things happen to me, but can I really blame everything on the randomness of everyday life. Let’s hope it was just a cursed batch and that Season 2 brings a positive finale.