The fragility of hope

It was back to work for me today after four days off last week.  I was actually quite pleased to go back as I was becoming increasingly restless towards the end of last week and work was a welcome distraction.

My boss knows my situation and she is really encouraging, but she doesn’t always remember the details, including how long it is before you find out results.  So she bounded into work this morning giving me a secret thumbs up sign and seemed a bit disappointed when I just shrugged my shoulders. She is a big pusher of the power of positivity and keeps reminding me to believe that this one will work. It’s nice having someone so positive around, although sometimes I am afraid to be as positive as she suggests.

Following my various theorising on symptoms, I continue to have no cramps despite still taking the pessaries, so I am still feeling confident that the cramps I had which peaked on Saturday were implantation cramps. Please let this not just be my imagination!

Today I have felt pretty good actually, apart from the giant, cystic acne spot that I have on my cheek. There’s no hiding this bad boy! Thankfully it’s only one spot, but cystic acne for me is 99% down to some kind of hormonal fluctuation.  For possibly the only time in my life I’ve been celebrating a giant spot!

Other potentially relevant symptoms (or potentially not) have been increased thirst (I drank nearly 3 litres before 4pm today) and fatigue.  I’ve felt quite wiped out from about 2pm today, although I did go to bed a bit late last night so I am not entirely sure if I’m willing to claim that one as a symptom today.

I have so far not POAS, but I’m still in a quandary about that one. I am increasingly leading towards waiting, but there’s still 3 days until Thursday so maybe I’ll weaken before then.  Until now it’s all good until it’s not. Fingers, toes, hairs, and eyes crossed!

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