Definitely maybe

Ok, I’m going to be frank here. I’ve had a lot of symptoms the past few days and I’m starting to wonder, hope and dream that they are signs that this little embryo transfer has worked.

Here is the evidence thus far:

  • On-and-off cramping since Thursday, culminating yesterday in a day full of cramps that were so bad last night I couldn’t sleep. Cramps in my front, cramps in my back, but definitely cramps. This was NOT my imagination. The cramps are not really the same as period pain, but are more like something is trying to make a space down there and is having some challenges.
  • I fully recognise that the progesterone I am so daintily providing to my body up my lady parts each day can cause cramps and other symptoms, so why the hell didn’t I get ANY symptoms for the 3 days before the transfer that I was also using the progesterone pessaries.  And why did I wake up today to have zero cramps even though I’m still taking the pessaries?
  • Most of yesterday I just felt lousy.  Kind of like a bad hangover.  Nothing specific that I could pinpoint, but just not right. An afternoon nap yesterday was non-negotiable.
  • This morning, I spent a few hours again feeling not great.  I would characterise this as similar to what I get after a few too many wines the night previous, i.e. low-level nausea and a mildly dizzy sensation that doesn’t stop you doing anything but it’s much nicer to have a good sit-down.

For the previous FET which was positive (until miscarriage) I also had quite substantial back pain for about 24 hours at around the same stage of the process. After the fresh transfer (negative) I had no symptoms. I remember this clearly because all of my online searches were looking for examples of others who had no symptoms but went on to have a positive test (there’s loads, but clearly I wasn’t one of them).

Based on this (admittedly dubious) analysis, I’m starting to feel a bit more positive that this might have worked. I have also bloated up BEAUTIFULLY over the past few days and my boobs are substantially bigger (v likely related to the progesterone that one) so I really hope there is good justification for feeling so gross.

My blood test is due for Thursday and I’m currently playing mind games with myself as to whether I should consider a POAS test before that. Before the blood test for the fresh transfer I did POAS the day before the test and it came back negative. To be completely fair though, I was testing myself at that point because I’d lost faith that it had worked because I had no symptoms. The negative test made me so super-depressed in advance of getting the bad news that I swore never to do one again.

During the last FET I kept to my word and I didn’t POAS, but instead waited for the blood test results.  Until the day before I really thought it would be positive and then I had some kind of crisis of confidence where I doubted myself. I ended up going for the blood test and sobbing to the nurse that it was pointless because it would be negative and also to my boss at work. It was positive.

So what do I do?  Do I hold tight for the blood test on Thursday?  Or do I do a home test and (potentially) get a sneak peek in advance of Thursday?

I took the dandelion photo here on a walk on Friday and thought to add it as dandelion can be a symbol of life. While to you it might seem to be an unimpressive weed, I liked a description that I read that said  it is”… nearly impossible to remove because of its spectacularly strong roots. Then, when it goes to seed, it is suddenly beautiful, fluffy and white, standing proudly above the grass and weeds. But then finally, one strong wind and its beautiful geometry is gone.”

I feel like the dandelion today.

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5 thoughts on “Definitely maybe

  1. Whatever you decide just remember that blood tests are much more sensitive. How many days after is your scheduled test? I wouldn’t waste a home test on less than 10 days after, a few people have high enough hcg at that point but most don’t.

    Liked by 1 person

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